need, love, longing

“You should be inside me right now,” she said, and I agreed.

“I just need to be crushed beneath you tasting only your kisses and being filled and consumed by you.”

Words like these will light a fire in me, will make me forget anything other than a need to be there, now, doing exactly as described.

But a message like this from far away, in situation not just in distance, bings with that fiery, burning need, also a melancholic longing.

Love and desire are something most of us well understand, but it’s that ache of the forbidden; Juliet on a balcony, a barrier both physical and metaphoric (and then later, Juliet across the gulf, seemingly, between life and death.

Rapunzel in her tower, Ned in Pushing Daisies, Guinevere unavailable first to Lancelot, and then, as it turns out, unavailable to Arthur. Buffy and Angel, Tony and Maria from West Side Story; Literature and pop culture are filled with tales about loves forbidden, somee fulfilled with consequence, some unfulfilled and tragic, some ending, against odds, well and happily. Because any trope that common is explored in all its variations, both in life and in fiction.

But common themes always are both the pain of longing, and the burning need.

Burning need is something i’m all too familiar with; i’m a creature who feels needs with huger intensity, but also, a creature who loves, when I love, with complete commitment.

So yes, indeed, I should be inside you, now, and always. That thought is present in my mind more and more, as time passes.

 

An admission of guilt, or at least, of writing

Well, today I more or less announced myself as a writer in Facebook.

which won’t be big news for the people who used to  read this space, or for the very few who have read my fiction, but in the modern, post blogosphereera world of social networks, I don’t think many of the people I interact with know me as such, despite this site having been linked from FB and Instagram for years.

but after completing a marathon revision session on my novella Wanton, I both needed acknowledge my own progress, fighting back from years of feeling unable, as well as, I’ll admit it, hoping somebody would go read it. I don’t work in a vacuum well; I’ve always needed an audience to write for, or at least hoped my work would find one. So while I did t link direst to this site or to the novella in question (yet), I am hoping I get a hit or two and somebody says, I’d like to read that.

One thing that’s changed since I wrote this is the need to trigger warning it; I never before felt I needed to label my work, despite it being largely erotic, because I consider Wanton, at least, to be fiction, a love story, rather than a wank-piece. It may get you aroused, and I hope it does, but the intent is to tell a story about two characters in an obsessive, destructive relationship. It’s about the people, not about what they may do.

but, the story is filled with blood, pain, come, drugs and both physical and emotional harm. The last  two people I shared it with pre-edit, I didn’t warn, and I think it gut-punched them in different ways.

going forward, then, it has warnings.

 

The world changed

My god it’s been a long time.

I miss being what you might call a writer or at least a blogger.

I miss days when it mattered.

I miss being creative, and living a life that routinely got me in trouble – I miss the trouble, and the people I used to get into it with. Well, certain people anyway.

It’s been a long fucking pandemic; will any of us ever be the same, when this is objects-closer-than-they-appear in the rear view? Not the over that people are pretending now, the ‘it’s not over at all but we’re too tired of it to know that’ kind of over thats’ whole-cloth nonsense. Will we ever, though, be who we used to be?

I need a martini, but I need it with the people I used to drink martinis with. My dogs are good company and all, but, well, it’s not the same, now, is it? They can’t mix a decent drink, and though they’ll definitely kiss, they also don’t kiss nearly as well as – well, as some other people –  and gin doesn’t cover dog breath.

I need to write something better than this. See if I still can.

Maybe i’ll be back tomorrow. Or maybe in another year.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

when did sex become a controlled substance – first try

I wrote this (though I never quite finished it) back in mid ’08 when David Duchovny started mumbling nonsense about Sex Addiction. It sort of stopped feeling timely, so I didn’t quite put the finish on it.

But recently I ran across this on ErosBlog:

I’ve long been hostile to the idea of “sex addiction” because it strikes me as nonsense on its face. Sex is a core biological imperative, like breathing or excreting, making a “sex addiction” as nonsensical as a “crapping addiction”.

(read the whole thing here)

That led me to this piece by Annie Sprinkle.

— insert quote here—-

http://www.anniesprinkle.org/html/writings/sex_addiction.html

Obviously, it was Tiger Woods getting caught with his hand in the coockie jar (or actually, in may cookie jars) that brought this back to the public eye. And typically, the media reaction was to once again start discussing a ‘disease’ when none exists.

I figured, then, that I might as well trot this back out and finish it, in hopes that enough smacks-to-the-head will eventually dislodge the idea of sex addiction from popular consciousness.

Read more “when did sex become a controlled substance – first try”

Categories: sex

Guess Her Muff

I absolutely love this blog: “guess her muff”. I love it because it’s a game, AND becauseit’s (good quality) porn (pictures of lovely real naked girls, not posed pros). I also love it because it’s exactly the sort of game I play. I look at women in various circumstances (at work, at school-related parent meetings, […]

I absolutely love this blog: “guess her muff”.

I love it because it’s a game, AND becauseit’s (good quality) porn (pictures of lovely real naked girls, not posed pros).

I also love it because it’s exactly the sort of game I play. I look at women in various circumstances (at work, at school-related parent meetings, at various social gatherings) and wonder, what’s she look like naked. I wonder, does she shave? If so, how? Does she wax? Does she use a razor in the shower? Does she leave a landing strip, or is she sweetly, wetly bare (which is not just a preference of mine, but in truth a fetish; it’s been so since long before porn adopted it as a standard).

This site has kept me entertained, and distracted, for two days now. Were I keeping score, my score would be lousy, almost always guessing wrong.

The site itself is work-safe, but beware the ‘See the Answer’ links. They’re not just naked, some of them are profoundly pornographic (buttsechs!). So open with care. And prepare to be distracted.

Eveready Harton

This is just so goddamn funny. I wish I had a better quality copy of it, some of the best bits are obliterated. But still. Details here: Eveready Harton in Buried Treasure [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAo9kA4MW00&hl=en] NSFW, but honestly, unless you’re looking close you’d never notice. (found on BoingBoing)

This is just so goddamn funny.

I wish I had a better quality copy of it, some of the best bits are obliterated. But still.

Details here: Eveready Harton in Buried Treasure

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAo9kA4MW00&hl=en]

NSFW, but honestly, unless you’re looking close you’d never notice.

(found on BoingBoing)

Categories: sex

tatjana with her hammer

For some reason this video is oddly hot. I can’t quite identify why. (courtesy of Bikinirama) (Click the pic – I’m sorry i can’t embed that. I’ve yet to figure out a workable way to embed quicktime in MT posts. I’ve tried all sorts of voodooo and it never embeds correctly.

For some reason this video is oddly hot. I can’t quite identify why.

Bikinirama
(courtesy of Bikinirama)

(Click the pic – I’m sorry i can’t embed that. I’ve yet to figure out a workable way to embed quicktime in MT posts. I’ve tried all sorts of voodooo and it never embeds correctly.