Tropic Thunder

It’s not the sort of movie you write a detailed review of. It’s just not. It’s funny, though. It’s howlingly, screamingly funny; it’s about as offensive as it can be without being mean spirited, and it works way, way better than you would expect. Sure, Ben Stiller is still playing the same character he plays […]

It’s not the sort of movie you write a detailed review of. It’s just not.

It’s funny, though. It’s howlingly, screamingly funny; it’s about as offensive as it can be without being mean spirited, and it works way, way better than you would expect.

Sure, Ben Stiller is still playing the same character he plays in every movie; shallow, vapid, self-involed, self-important, and stupid. But y’know, it keeps working. Yes, Jack Black is still playing Jack Black (he, though, can play other people, he just usually doesn’t).

And yes, they say ‘retard’ about fifty million times.

Here’s the thing though, with a movie like this. They know completely how offensive they’re being. But the joke isn’t at the expense of whomever they’re poking fun at. The joke is on a character (in this case Stiller’s character), but more importantly, it’s on us, the audience. They’re waving it in our faces (fat jokes, gay jokes, ‘retard’ jokes, race jokes), and they’re saying, you’re laughing at it aren’t you? Shame on you.

The plot? Stupid. The characters? Stupid. The humor? Maybe not as low brow as it’s possible to get, but close. But Robert Downey Jr is absolutely brilliantly funny as a method actor who’s gone so far he’s surgically changed races for a part. And Tom Cruise – who I loath – is hysterical and profoundly creepy as a lunatic studio exec **cough**justplayinghimself**cough**.

This is a movie where you hurt from laughing, and feel a vague sense that you should be offended, but aren’t.

Get there on time, the movie opens with one of the funniest fake trailers you’ve ever seen (no, not the ‘fatties’ one!). And get the fuck over the ‘retard’ jokes.

The Dark Knight

So let’s get a couple things out of the way up front. First, Heath Ledger’s Joker is a thing of brilliance. Utterly mad, completely evil, frighteningly real. This is a performance that might have gotten oscar nods if he were still around; it will certainly get them now. He steals the film. Second, I have […]

So let’s get a couple things out of the way up front.

First, Heath Ledger’s Joker is a thing of brilliance. Utterly mad, completely evil, frighteningly real. This is a performance that might have gotten oscar nods if he were still around; it will certainly get them now. He steals the film.

Second, I have a major Batman bias. I’m a huge superhero comic fan; I grew up on ’em, collected all the major Marvel and DC titles in the seventies and eighties. So I have very strong image about who batman is and how he should be portrayed. This makes it hard for me to be objective about reviewing any movie about batman, because they’re never my batman.

That said, The Dark Knight manages to do just about as good a job as anyone has ever done with Batman on the screen. Yet, they fundamentally still miss the mark.

Bringing Batman to the screen is difficult. Partly because there’s a lot of baggage (the sixties tv show skewed how we see batman to the corny and campy; Frank Miller’s Batman skewed our view the other way, to the dark and hard and disturbing). Partly, it’s difficult because our studios (and DC comics) have a singular idea of how a hero should be portrayed. I think every one of the modern Batman movies has suffered from this, and not one of them has yet ventured into new territory. They all reek of artistic compromise.

Add to this the fact that Batman, even for superheros, is particularly absurd. No super powers, a weirdly silly outfit, a reliance on impossible technology. It’s hard to portray a guy in a bat suit with ears and not make him look silly, even if we don’t include nipples and tights.

Dark Knight manages to get it mostly right. They strip the suit down til it looks like something you could actually fight in, they give us some plausible idea of how one man mages all these bizarre inventions, and (with back story from Batman Begins) they’ve given us a character with with enough of a crazy streak that the obsession and the bat images make sense.

They’ve also given us a very strong cast. Ledger is amazing; he will give you nightmares. I can see this man walking around in real life, he’s that convincingly insane. Never before has the joker seemed so completely believable as a homicidal, sadistic lunatic. Aaron Eckhart, while not turning in the kind of absolutely inspired performance Ledger brings, is still terrific. This guy keeps getting better ever time I see him. And obviously, with actors like Michael Caine, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman involved, the cast just keeps hitting (though Maggie Gyllenhaal’s performance is oddly lackluster; I absolutely adore her, though I kept wanting to slap her and say *wake up!*).

The action scenes are all look great, the fights are well choreographed, the effects are mostly terrific.

So what’s wrong with it?

That’s a hard one; my bias about Batman aside, something’s missing. But I’m struggling with what.

I wanted the the entire thing to have more zip. I wanted the dialog to sparkle. I wanted to care about the characters. While the dialog was ok, and there were some decent one liners, most of it has a journeyman feel, like it could have been from any action film. I wanted a breathless pace; there were too many pauses to build character, and then not enough to do for the actors when they had space to act. They were playing characters, and because they’re all good, the characters seemed real. But it felt like padding.

The middle of the film is mainly driven by Bruce Wayne’s soul-searching over having killed people; to me, this rang utterly false. The core of the character, to me, is that he’ll do whatever the fuck it takes to bring down the bad guys, even be one himself. He will kill, he will break laws, he will sacrifice. What he won’t do is stop. The beginning and end work; but when Wane starts to fuss about wanting to inspire people, it feels like they’ve forgotten who they’re making a movie about (who is this, fucking Spiderman?)

The film was also oddly bright. One expects Batman films to be dark and shadowy. Gotham is a gothic nightmare of a city. What we got was downtown chicago, with no attempt whatsoever to make it look like anything else. I assume this was to give the film a sense of realism, but the effect was of lazy film making and average cinematography. Worse was that they chose to put Batman in full, harsh light in much of the film, which just makes the bat suit look silly. Batman needs a sense of menace to make him effective; a rubber rodent head doesn’t do it. The less you show of Batman, the more effective he is.

This isn’t to say I disliked the film; it’s easily the best Batman to date. But the fact that it reaches higher in some ways, perhaps, points out the deficiencies. It’s quite a good film; but it could have been a great film. It misses the mark on greatness. That’s a shame, because Ledger’s performance is truly great, and deserves to be in a movie that stands up to it.

Now, as to the batman I want to see, one only needs to look to Frank Miller’sDark Knight Returns to see my vision of Batman.

The Batman I want to see isn’t a hero; and that’s where Hollywood always fails. They want to portray a darkly heroic, misunderstood figure. They err in casting mornful, broody types (when they don’t cast George Clooney, anyway). What they wind up getting is a batman who looks self-involved and sulky.

Batman, my version of Batman, is crazy. Something in him broke when his parents were killed, and he’s spent his life on revenge; not on one person, but on everyone, everywhere, who commits a crime. He doesn’t care about laws, honor, morals. The irony is that he’s become who he’s fighting. He’s a killer, a sadist. Yet, he’s an agent for good, doing what needs doing. He knows he’s down in the mire with the criminals, he’s sacrificed himself to what he thinks is greater good, though he’s driven by an obsession with revenge.

His alter ego isn’t a light-hearted playboy; he’s a dark, brooding recluse. More Howard Hughes than Tony Stark.

I want to see someone cast who can play batman as a semi-psychotic villain. Imagine Alan Rickman; imagine if Heath Ledger could have turned that air of craziness into a batman portrayal. Bale could have done it (he does crazy so well). But the part needs a villain at it’s heart, not a hero. Batman isn’t a hero; he’s a bad guy who’s on our side, and THAT is what every single movie portrayal misses.

My complaints about The Dark Knight are colored this, to be sure. But my real issues with it are not that it isn’t my batman; it’s that they so nearly turned out a great film. They missed by *that* much, and that’s frustrating, because they almost had it.

Iron Man

I was going to write a detailed review but fuck it. Iron Man rocks. Go see it while it’s still in theaters. It is, in my opinion, the best superhero movie of the modern era. I loved it. Iron Man was my favorite superhero comic, and the movie completely did justice to the character. I […]

I was going to write a detailed review but fuck it.

Iron Man rocks. Go see it while it’s still in theaters. It is, in my opinion, the best superhero movie of the modern era. I loved it.

Iron Man was my favorite superhero comic, and the movie completely did justice to the character. I even loved Gwyneth Paltrow in the part, and that takes some doing.

Go see it twice.

indiana jones and the search for a better plot

A couple of years ago I watched the original Indiana Jones trilogy with my kids. Over the last month, we’ve been watching the re-released Young Indiana Jones series. We’re huge Indiana Jones fans. Now, let me say a couple things up front. Raiders of the Lost Ark is very close to my favorite movie of […]

A couple of years ago I watched the original Indiana Jones trilogy with my kids. Over the last month, we’ve been watching the re-released Young Indiana Jones series. We’re huge Indiana Jones fans.

Now, let me say a couple things up front.

Raiders of the Lost Ark is very close to my favorite movie of all time. However, as a rule, I loath Steven Spielberg. I do not consider him a good director. To be sure, he’s made a couple of decent movies; Duel (his creative high water mark), Jaws, and of course, Raiders. But given that he hires top-flight cinematographers and cast, every now and then he’s going to hit something good. Most of his work is dreck though, badly plotted, badly scored, badly paced, over-done in every way possible.

How did Raiders wind up so good? Simple; George Lucas.

Lucas developed the story, produced the film, and while there’s no question Spielberg directed it, it has an un-mistablabe Lucas feel to it. Most of what’s right about that film I credit to Lucas.

It’s easy to see what happens when Lucas steps back; look at Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Key details of who Indy is are forgotten, a pointless ‘cute kid’ is introduced, Spielberg’s wife is (ill) cast as indy’s love interest, comedy and horror elements are over-played. The only thing about the movie that works is the ending, and it works out of context with an Indiana Jones movie.

For the third, Lucas stepped back in; Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is back to feeling like Indiana Jones. It’s better cast, with a love interest who works, and the plot is back to being centered on archeology. It’s not quite Raiders, but it’s terrific.

And then there’s Young Indy; not only a brilliant teevee series, but incredibly true to the the Indiana Jones character; masterfully done, and 100% Lucas.

When I heard a fourth movie was in production, finally, I hoped for Lucas, and feared Spielberg.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull should be good. They had years to find a great script; they had a great cast (Cate Blanchett, John Hurt), a great surrogate Young Indy (Shia LaBeouf), and the return of Karen Allen, an actress I’ve had a wicked crush on since Animal House.

Alas – This is Spielberg Indy, not Lucas Indy.

There’s good stuff about this film, certainly. And I enjoyed it. But it wasn’t good. While it’s failings are very different than the failings of Temple of Doom, they’re perhaps bigger, because with the years they had to come up with a script, though should have come up with a good one. This has compromise written all over it. The story’s oddly meandering and all but incoherent, and it relies on super-natural and sci-fi elements that don’t fit into the Indy mythos. While the action scenes are terrific (well shot, well acted, funny and thrilling, and completely inventive), they seem to have lost the ’30s serial pacing that made them work in the past. The problem, though, is that when the action stops, you can almost see tumbleweeds roll across the screen. Everything comes to a complete halt.

I’ve never been bored in an Indiana Jones movie before. Yet whenever the characters start talking, my eyes would glaze over. Harrison Ford seemed to be sleep walking through half the scenes, and the elements that worked (he’s older and not quite as good as he used to be; people think he’s just an old teacher, til the fedora comes out) are used as throw-away gags. This could have been payed like Robin and Marian, with the re-union of the aging hero and his older-but-still-beautiful life’s love. It’s wasted though, with Karen Allen not getting enough screen time.

Blanchett as the russian villain is wasted as well; she’s a cartoon, but an under-drawn one. Her absurd accent is wonderful, even if it’s un-even, but they waste the camp element after presenting it when she walks on.

What works is that they pay brilliant tribute to Indy myth; references to the first three movies, and better, to episodes of Young Indy. What doesn’t is that Spielberg can’t stop; introducing LaBeouf with a shot and costume from The Wild Ones blows one right out of the film, and the 50’s diner fight is so out of place that it made me want to slap everyone involved.

The ending is idiotic. We don’t need fucking space aliens in the Indiana Jones mythos. Visually, the end is great, but plot wise, it’s weak, stupid, and badly written.

It’s odd though; the movie annoyed me more later than it did at the time. While I was watching it, I was happy. Seeing Indy on screen again was thrilling, even if it’s a gray-haired-and-botoxed indy; and the action is fantastic. If this were a movie featuring some other character than Indiana Jones, I’ve have said “loved it”, because it’s the kind of sugar-frosted-crack film that one should watch with the un-jaundiced eye of a teenager. But when a movie has “Indiana Jones” in the title, I just expect a lot more in terms of movie making.

Rats, Penguins, and Stuff Blowing Up

I’ve been in one of those frustrating phases of late where I feel the need to write but the combination of absolutely no time, and no mental energy, leave me struggling to make the arc from thought to action. When I’ve had time to myself – as I have several evenings lately, with family away […]

I’ve been in one of those frustrating phases of late where I feel the need to write but the combination of absolutely no time, and no mental energy, leave me struggling to make the arc from thought to action. When I’ve had time to myself – as I have several evenings lately, with family away on minor summertime jaunts – I wind up spending the remaining energy on stupid-yet-imporatant activities like the paying of bills (dammit, why can’t I just do this every second or third months? I’m happier that way!), and the doing of taxes (yeah, I just finally got around to that; it’s a long story why but this is the first time, ever, that I’ve been late with my taxes).

When I do sit down with the intent to work on a story I’m writing, I get no further than adding a bit more to an outline or writing a sentence or two. When I try to work on some of the half-dozen blog entries I have barely started, I find my eyes glaze over.

Yes, I know, you’ve all heard this before. No helpful suggestions, m’kay?

In any case, I have managed to see quite a number of movies lately. So let’s do some quick summaries.

Cartoons:

Shrek III – skip it. Not funny. The best of the film’s in the preview. The animation’s great, but that’s part of the problem; shrek is real enough to actually look like a giant stinky ogre, which just makes him creepy. There are a few good gags, but it doesn’t work.

Surf’s Up – here’s a surprise winner. I expected, when I saw the previews, for Happy Feet to be the winner and this film, he loser. That’s backwards. Happy Feet looked great, but was vastly too long, had little or no story, and though some of it was brilliant, it wound up being very dull. This film, though, was shockingly clever. SHot as a mockumentary, it manages to work perfectly, poking fun at reality teevee, sports films, and cartoons. It’s vastly funnier and better than I expected it to be.

Ratatouille – ok, this should be great; it’s pixar, it’s Brad Bird; it’s about cute rats and cooking, and Thomas Keller, possibly america’s greatest chef these days (certainly one if the best) was a consultant. But with that much buzz, you have to fear. The good news is, it’s that good. Well written, stunningly well animated, great voice acting all around, it’s not just a good cartoon, it’s a really good film. This is one of those that needs to get nominated for something higher than just best cartoon; it won’t be the cartoon that wins best picture, but it certainly should be one that gets nominated. Forget your fear of rats; this is just a good film.

Live Action:

Knocked Up – made by the 40 year old virgin guys, this film works the same territory. But I think it’s better. Despite being about some incredibly crude, juvenile characters, it’s a heart-warming sort of story. The moment when Ben (Seth Rogen, whom I think I’d have a crush on if I swung that way) wakes up to realize he’s just slept with the hottest girl he’s ever met; well, let’s just say, most of us can imagine (or have experienced) that moment. I liked this movie a whole lot more than I expected to; everyone in it was exactly someone I know. My only real issue with the film was that I found Leslie Mann’s character (Debbie) so utterly dislikable that I found it distrating. I don’t think the director was aware how hateful she was; I think he thought she was funny and dysfunctional. She was so familiar to me (I know her exactly, in real life) that I felt my hands twitch with the desire to choke her every time she was on screen.

Live Free or Die Hard – I think this movie has a terrible title but that’s the only thing about it I don’t love. The rest of the series is, you know, ok; this film rocks. It’s cleverly plotted, well written, has amazing stunts; the cast is fantastic, and Bruce Willis as John McClane has now taken Jack Bauer’s place as the butchest action hero around. This movie is everything 24 aims for but often misses. I’d happily see this movie two or three times through; it’s an absolutely classic action film. Also, I have to say, The “I’m a mac” guy, Justin Long, is absolutely great in this film. All the teenage girls I know who have wicked crushes on him from the commercials are gonna fuckin’ swoon when they see this. I’m not kiddin’, they’ll swoon.

That’s how it’s been. Work, movies, sleep, and mythbusters. But that is another post.

Pink Floyd at Pompeii

I bought the DVD of Pink Floyd: Live at Pompeii (The Director’s Cut) a year or so ago, but it managed to get filed away in a stack of kids DVDs and I’d forgotten I had it. I was looking through my DVDs last night, trying to find something better to watch than re-runs of […]

I bought the DVD of Pink Floyd: Live at Pompeii (The Director’s Cut) a year or so ago, but it managed to get filed away in a stack of kids DVDs and I’d forgotten I had it.

I was looking through my DVDs last night, trying to find something better to watch than re-runs of house that I’d already seen, and I found said DVD. Given that I was hopped up on goofballs for the throbbing pain behind my cheekbone (I admit it, it was an excuse. My tolerance for meds is so high that they don’t make it not hurt, they just make me not mind the hurt), I decided it was a perfect film to watch.

A little background. I saw this movie when I was about fourteen, at a midnight movie (remember midnight movies?) in Los Gatos, California. These were the days when midnight movies and rock concerts were a dope-smoker’s free for all, so no one cared if we lit up. People used to bring five foot tall bongs to these things. So it was a very stoned, very tripped out crowd. We’d either find an older brother who could drive, or we’d call the parents (mine, usually) who didn’t mind us being stoned.

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i want maggie gyllenhaal

I’ve come to the conclusion that Maggie Gyllenhaal may be the sexiest woman on the planet (well, apart from a couple of my readers, though I’m not naming names. Just assume it’s you). Now, I sort of had this feeling after seeing Secretary, as I’ve discussed at length with the lovely Miss Syl. I mean, […]

I’ve come to the conclusion that Maggie Gyllenhaal may be the sexiest woman on the planet (well, apart from a couple of my readers, though I’m not naming names. Just assume it’s you).

Now, I sort of had this feeling after seeing Secretary, as I’ve discussed at length with the lovely Miss Syl. I mean, it’s a great film, and she’s impossibly sexy in it (I could watch some of those scenes of her getting spanked over and over, and in fact have, in my head at least). But the whole film’s brilliantly sexy, with that pervasive feeling that makes one want to go home and grab someone (or oneself) and have many orgasms.

But y’know, one film, you can’t always judge. I mean, Melanie Griffith was a contender (who am I kidding, she owned it), for like six months after Something Wild came out, But by the time she’d made Working Girl that was well over and it proved that sexy as fuck in one film doesn’t mean much when the film’s over (and don’t get me started on Ms. Griffith now – *shudder*).

So the other day I watched Stranger Than Fiction. And that cemented Maggie’s place on that ‘sexiest women’ list.

Now, that may be a strange movie to do that. It’s not a particularly sexy movie. It’s a very good movie – with a surprisingly good dramatic performance by Will Ferrell (and you know, I think he can do still better), a great performance by Emma Thompson, and an incredibly clever script. But even with a vaguely romantic element, there’s no sex to speak of. This could not be more opposite Secretary, which radiated sex.

But from the moment she turned up on screen, sweaty, frazzled, angry and tattooed, I wanted her. I didn’t even remember she was in the movie, so my reaction went something like wow, she’s kinda hot – whoa is that Maggie Gyllenhaal?

The thing that makes her so damned sexy in this movie is that they in no way set out to make her sexy. They just presented a character, as they did with other characters in the film. She’s a vaguely eccentric, vaguely emo sort of craftsperson; educated, but working in a simple, honest profession as a baker. But being that kind of character, she wants to make a grand, if silly, political statement (silly in that she can’t win, not silly in intent, who doesn’t agree with the idea of withholding taxes that go to pay for idiotic wars? Well, idiots, I guess.) She reminded me of a number of people I know; artists, writers (and some bloggers I know.) And she was the kind of character I like to write about. She has that I just am who I am kind of sexy.

And then there’s the tattoos.

I have to say, Maggie’s tattoos in Stranger Than Fiction are some of the best fake tattoos I’ve seen in a movie in a long time. The typical mistake is to make them too perfect, too bright, too dark. They’re almost always over-done, and usually, not done with the right sort of aesthetic. They may look real to the typical viewer, but to those of us who have and know tattoos, most movie tattoos look a bit suspect. The Tattoos in this movie look exactly right; the japanese half-sleeve on her right arm has exactly the look and feel of a tattoo this character would have, and it’s done the way it really would be, not quite wrapping all the way around in back, leaving the area around the armpit bare. It was so convincing I actually wondered it it was real.

The one that really got me though – and damn if i can find a picture of it – was the star on her neck. Now, again, the temptation would have been to give her some big, splashy, obvious thing, and to have made it perfect. But that’s not what this character would have had. The tattoo, a black star on the right side of her neck, an inch or two below her ear, was sort of ordinary. It was small – maybe the size of a nickel – and best of all, it was sort of crooked. It was that, more than anything, that made me fall for the character, and by extension, for the performer. Because she looked like, was, the sort of character who’d have a weird, imperfect tattoo on her neck.

I spent the whole movie wanting to kiss and bite this little star tattoo. It was absolutely distracting when I could see it, and when I couldn’t, I kept wanting her to turn around so I could see it. And while I loved the movie (it’s incredibly clever and well written), I spent the next two days with a naked, tattooed Maggie Gyllenhaal in my head.

I think I need to go find every other movie she’s ever been in, particularly the ones where she’s naked. Mmmm. Naaaaaked….

Skin Stories DVD

Skin Stories, a brilliant film by Emiko Omori and Lisa Altieri-Sosa, is finally available on DVD. This is a video I’ve talked about before, an in-depth exploration of tattooing in the south pacific, with a particular focus on tattooing in New Zealand’s Maori culture. It’s the best film i’ve ever seen on tattooing, largely because […]

SkinstoriesSkin Stories, a brilliant film by Emiko Omori and Lisa Altieri-Sosa, is finally available on DVD. This is a video I’ve talked about before, an in-depth exploration of tattooing in the south pacific, with a particular focus on tattooing in New Zealand’s Maori culture. It’s the best film i’ve ever seen on tattooing, largely because it eschews the usual focus on the outrageous (‘look at these crazy people who tattoo their faces!’) and simply tells the story in the voices of people who wear tattoos.

I’ve been waiting for this to come out on DVD for two years; both because I wanted to own it, and because there’s an image in it that I need to take to my tattooist so we can begin work on my backpiece.

It’s a bit on the pricey side; it’s coming from hawaii, and it’s not something that’s going to sell thousands of units, so I forgive them. But for those who’ve been waiting to get hold of this (that may be only me), it’s about damned time.

Nightmare in Three-D

I just saw the new Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D. And lemmee tellya, this ain’t your mamma’s 3D. 3D movies have come a LONG way in the past few years, as you’ll know if you saw Monster House in it’s 3D version, or if you’ve seen the latest 3D attractions at Disneyland or Universal or […]

I just saw the new Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D.

And lemmee tellya, this ain’t your mamma’s 3D. 3D movies have come a LONG way in the past few years, as you’ll know if you saw Monster House in it’s 3D version, or if you’ve seen the latest 3D attractions at Disneyland or Universal or other theme parks.

Now, i’m already a huge fan of this movie. So they only have to not fuck it up to be ok with me. Just a chance to see it on the big screen was cool, i listened to the people who didn’t like it when it came out and didn’t go see it in a theater. Luckily I later discovered they were wrong.

Well, they didn’t fuck it up; they made it even cooler. The 3D is a perfect compliment to the very physical stop-motion animation, adding even more depth and life to a visually rich and complex movie. They also totally re-mastered the sound, which is awesome. I saw, and heard, things I’d never noticed before.

You know 3D has made it when you stop noticing a film is in 3D. And like in Monster house, which i saw at Mann’s Chinese in los angeles a couple months ago, halfway through I stopped being aware of the glasses and the effect, and just watched the movie, marveling at how cool it looked but not thinking about it. That is when 3D is working, and in this film, it utterly does work.

Originally I’d heard this was going to be in very limited release, only playing in L.A., SF, and a couple other cities. But it looks like it’s gone into national release, so go see it while it’s still in the theaters. I bet it doesn’t play for long, and if you’re a fan, this is so completely a must-see.

Oh, and cute goth/emo girls love this movie, so there’s another sort of eye-candy involved. I wound up deep in conversation with a girl next to me about Lemony Snicket and Daniel Handler‘s adult novels (which feature murder, absinth, incest, golems, and more clever literary references than you can shake a stick at.) So that’s the kinda quality people this attracts, if, you know, you like that sort of thing.

Pirates 2 – ‘slimy’

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you have the chance to do the right thing. Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by. I asked a friend who’d seen a pre-release screening of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest how it was. “Slimy,” she […]

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you have the chance to do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.

I asked a friend who’d seen a pre-release screening of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest how it was.

Slimy,” she said.

And so it is. Very very slimy.

I’m not gonna post a whole review right now – actually I might go see it again before I do that. But the short version.

Nowhere near as good as the first (as one would expect). But better than I’d expected.

It’s too long, for a film that’s really thin on plot. But it retains the charm of the original, has some amazing, stunning design, some excellent CGI and makeup effects, and it still has the cast of Depp, Bloom and Knightley, all of who are stunningly sexy. Knightley just gets hotter and hotter; she’s going to start burning movie screens if this continues.

This ain’t a movie that’s gonna win – or really deserve – oscars, other than for technical merit. But it’s highly entertaining, and will trand for several watchings, even if it doesn’t joint the first on the heavy-rotation shelf.

I’m ready to set sail – even more than usual.