need, love, longing

“You should be inside me right now,” she said, and I agreed.

“I just need to be crushed beneath you tasting only your kisses and being filled and consumed by you.”

Words like these will light a fire in me, will make me forget anything other than a need to be there, now, doing exactly as described.

But a message like this from far away, in situation not just in distance, bings with that fiery, burning need, also a melancholic longing.

Love and desire are something most of us well understand, but it’s that ache of the forbidden; Juliet on a balcony, a barrier both physical and metaphoric (and then later, Juliet across the gulf, seemingly, between life and death.

Rapunzel in her tower, Ned in Pushing Daisies, Guinevere unavailable first to Lancelot, and then, as it turns out, unavailable to Arthur. Buffy and Angel, Tony and Maria from West Side Story; Literature and pop culture are filled with tales about loves forbidden, somee fulfilled with consequence, some unfulfilled and tragic, some ending, against odds, well and happily. Because any trope that common is explored in all its variations, both in life and in fiction.

But common themes always are both the pain of longing, and the burning need.

Burning need is something i’m all too familiar with; i’m a creature who feels needs with huger intensity, but also, a creature who loves, when I love, with complete commitment.

So yes, indeed, I should be inside you, now, and always. That thought is present in my mind more and more, as time passes.


Fuck Off, Ian

Ironically my late brother was named Ian, and I imagine the title phrase has been said out loud, oh, a thousand times. But nevermind that, for now.

This is about the namesake hurricane.

This freaks me the fuck out: my best friend in the whole world, someone I have loved for decades, lives just about under where that cluster of rainbow spaghetti hits FLA, and I really, really do not like that.

I know there are a million people who may get clobbered if Ian hooks more north and west, and i’m sorry, but I don’t care. I can only care about the few people I truly love, and I need them to stay safe.

I know, no hope or thought or prayer will turn a hurricane; it’s all goddamn physics. But animal brain still says force of will can turn this thing, and if I have anything, it’s force of will.

Hurricane Ian