Steve, don’t eat it!

I was talking to an old, old friend and trying to ‘splain blogging. I didn’t do that well, but I figured, I’l just show her. I was gonna direct her to my blog, but then I figured, no, wait, i need to start her off with a good blog so I went with Waiter Rant. […]

I was talking to an old, old friend and trying to ‘splain blogging.

I didn’t do that well, but I figured, I’l just show her. I was gonna direct her to my blog, but then I figured, no, wait, i need to start her off with a good blog so I went with Waiter Rant.

She then did me one better by following Waiter’s link to Steve, Don’t Eat It!, a feature of The Sneeze.

Holy christ, this is funny.

On Potted Meat Food Product:

Okay, here we go– Pulling back the lid (not recommended) lets loose an odor that punches you in the nose like a stinky fist. If you’ve ever smelled a can of dog food, it’s just like that. Only imagine you are opening the can while your head is wedged in a horse’s ass.

On Pickled Pork Rinds:

While perusing the “Good Lord, NOOOO!” aisle of the supermarket, I came across the atrocity known as Dolores Brand Pickled Pork Rinds. These are not the crunchy pork rinds you’ll often see over by the chips. These are their grosser, soggier, potentially botulism-ier cousins.

The label says “Ready to Eat.” They left off “By Dumb-Asses.”

On home-made prison wine:

Through some miracle, it actually tasted nothing like it smelled. In fact, there was very little flavor other than sour, watery alcohol. It’s hard to believe this started out as a bag of fruit snacks and grape juice. Yet somehow these ingredients went from sweet and child-like to harsh and alcoholic quicker than Lindsay Lohan.

Oh my god, I’m gagging and laughing at the same time. I love this guy.

I don’t want to go on the cart

A quick update – despite what people say, I’m not dead. in fact I’m feeling much better. I think I’ll go for a walk. I Feel Happy! Thanks to modern medicine (and visions of nubile slave girls), I’m startin’ to feel human again. I took some time off work and did pretty much nothing but […]

A quick update – despite what people say, I’m not dead. in fact I’m feeling much better. I think I’ll go for a walk. I Feel Happy!

Thanks to modern medicine (and visions of nubile slave girls), I’m startin’ to feel human again. I took some time off work and did pretty much nothing but watch travel channel and re-runs of House (Ok, and hack on Hiromi’s blog templates a little). I didn’t even really read much ’cause I finished that Chris Moore book a few days ago (Review to come but in short, it rules).

It’s been a long time since I’ve been sick like this, and I’m remembering now why people say just give the fuck into it and rest. I’m not so good as giving in, it turns out.

Walkin’ Pneumonia and the Boogie-Woogie Flu

I wanna jump but I’m afraid I’ll fall I wanna holler but the joint’s too small Young man rhythm’s got a hold of me too I got the rockin’ pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu Well, I finally listened after several people said go to the doctor you stupid bastard. And you know, you people […]

I wanna jump but I’m afraid I’ll fall
I wanna holler but the joint’s too small
Young man rhythm’s got a hold of me too
I got the rockin’ pneumonia and the boogie woogie flu

Well, I finally listened after several people said go to the doctor you stupid bastard. And you know, you people love me more than I love myself, it’s true. Why won’t I listen?

Anyway, the diagnosis is that I have Walkin’ Pneumonia.

That’s as opposed to the on all fours barking like a dog kind, or the on my back with my legs in the air like a dead bug kind. So I guess that’s ok.

Doctor-man says that I’ve likely had this for like, a month or six weeks. Which explains why I’ve been feelin’ like sandy-assfuck without a kiss for the last three weeks. I only noticed it when it decided to move to also being some bronchitis with a side of sinus infection.

But now I have giant horse pills, an order to stay in bed for a couple days and be waited on by nubile slaves, and a chest x-ray with my nipple rings showing clearly as great big white circles. So I’ll be heading off to bed and doing my very best to do not a fuckin’ thing for at least two days.

(ok I made up the part about the nubile slave girls, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have them or that they would not make me better just that much faster)

Kilt – Sold.

Wow, that didn’t take long. I listed my kilt on ebay yesterday with a ‘buy it now’ price and it got snapped up already. Nice. I’m suddenly thinking, what *else* can I sell on ebay? (kids. I wonder how much kids would get)

Wow, that didn’t take long. I listed my kilt on ebay yesterday with a ‘buy it now’ price and it got snapped up already.

Nice. I’m suddenly thinking, what *else* can I sell on ebay?

(kids. I wonder how much kids would get)

V

Yesterday, on very short notice my boss decided to take my whole team out. I guess we’re at quarter end and he had budget for something that went away next week. The result was the sort of day that works out perfectly with no planning whatsoever. One of my co-workers is from Ethiopia, and he’s […]

Yesterday, on very short notice my boss decided to take my whole team out. I guess we’re at quarter end and he had budget for something that went away next week.

The result was the sort of day that works out perfectly with no planning whatsoever.

One of my co-workers is from Ethiopia, and he’s introduced us to what may be the best Ethiopian restaurant in the bay area; it’s certainly the best one I’ve ever been to and I’m a huge fan of that cuisine

http://www.zenirestaurant.com/

An absolutely wonderful meal. For those who don’t know, Ethiopian food consists mostly of stew-like dishes; it’s both served on, and eaten with, a unique soft, spongy flatbread called Injera which has a flavor (faintly like sourdough) and texture unlike anything else I’ve ever eaten.

You don’t get plates. You don’t get forks. You get a platter covered with Injera, with the various meat, veggie and salad dished dolloped directly on the Injera. You then tear strips of the bread and use it as your utensils.

In flavor, it’s akin to Morroccan, with certain dishes having an almost indian character; red pepper, cumin, cardamom, gigner, and coriander are prominent spices.

It’s a cuisine for people who are not afraid to get elbow-deep in a meal. It’s also a cuisine I tend to avoid eating too often because, once started, I tend to eat until ready to absolutely explode. It’s a sensual experience, rich, spicy, aromatic buttery flavors, and food experienced by touch as well as taste, smell, and vision. I can imagine taking a date (not, however, a first date) to such a meal, and feeding each other morsels of exotic-spiced meat while sharing a flask of Tej, Ethiopian mead.

It could be an awkward meal with co-workers. Luckily, my team are a bunch who like to eat, and who know each other well enough that we’re not afraid to wear some food in from of each other.

After the meal, Bossman treated us to a quickly-chosen movie (based on when it was playing more than anything else); luckily also my first choice of a movie.

V for Vendetta.

Now let’s say up front, I’m a huge Alan Moore fan. No disrespect to Gaiman or Frank Miller, but to my mind, Moore is the inventor of what we today called the graphic novel. He’s the man who took a lame muck-monster comic, Swamp Thing, and turned it into possibly the best comic ever published. He’s the guy who re-invented both comics in general and the superhero genre with Watchmen. And he’s the man who wrote a bold, frightening, bizarre comic about a terrorist who dresses as Guy Fawkes.

I read V for Vendetta when it was new – I don’t think I ever finished it, I can’t recall why. Maybe it was one of those times when I gave up comics like one gives up smack; I have a problem with just buying one, so from time to time I have to go cold-turkey. But whatever it was, I’ve been waiting for someone to do something with that comic ever since.

Typically, when I heard it was going to be a movie, I was both afraid and excited. I hate, hate a holywood ruing of something important. *cough*Ask the Dust*Cough. But some things just cry out to be done right, and given the guys in charge (the Matrix brothers, Andrew and Larry Wachowski), and given the source material, I was hoping, just maybe, they nailed it.

Ok, so Alan Moore disowned it. But he’s Alan Moore. Look at him, you can see the guy’s a couple inmates short of an asylum. I haven’t found the details on what he objected to, but in the end, you gotta look at the movie, like Kubrick’s The Shining and say, forget the book, did they make a good movie?

They did. And fuckin’ how.

This isn’t an easy movie to make. To start you have a plot that depends on some idea of who the fuck Guy Fawkes is any why The Fifth of November is important. Not an easy sell in the USA. Then you have a lead who never takes off his mask.

It works; part of it’s due to the incredibly charismatic, sexy presence of Natalie Portman, with whom I’ve been in love since I spent all of Phantom Menace thinking about her mouth. She turns in what is certainly the performance of her career thus far (though I’m betting she’s go lots of brilliant performances ahead of her). A girl who manages to look that intensely sexy while sobbing on a prison floor is someone I could watch all damned day.

It works despite the dead plastic face Hugo Weaving wears all the way through it; he does a great job in what’s almost completely a voice gig. He resists the temptation too over-do the physical performance, to over-do the voice. He’s a man in a mask, but he just plays it, and by the end of the movie when he’s asked to take off the mask and doesn’t, you’re rooting for him not to. You don’t want to see what’s under it, you want him to be what he is, an enigmatic presence with no face and no name.

James McTeigue, who was an assistant director for some or all of the Matrix films, avoids the major pitfalls of so many sci fi epics; he doesn’t try to make things look far away and futuristic. He doesn’t overwhelm us with special effects or elaborate makeup or bizarre technology. This movie doesn’t play as sci-fi, it could be any time, now, the late 90’s (the date in Moore’s original comic), or it could be 2020. He lets the characters and ideas run the story, not the special effects.

This is a story about ideas. It’s easy to simply say it’s a movie about today’s american government, and to be sure, you can’t escape that idea. This is where we’re headed if our current regime is taken to it’s ultimate conclusion. The hitler-like figure played so effectively by John Hurt is scary because you can hear echos of today’s politics.

But it’s not as direct and simple as that. Moore’s story is about anarchy vs. fascism, not about republicans vs democrats. It’s about the extremes in both directions. It’s about fighting a fight that will kill you and drive you mad.

It’s about terrorism; but we’re seeing it from the side of the terrorist, the man who fights an ideological battle with bombs and murder. It’s about a monster fighting a monster system. There’s no clear high moral ground he stands on; the enemies are evil, but are they any worse than our hero?

There are flaws. It’s a comic-book style story, so some of the plot logic doesn’t hold up to intense scrutiny. V’s hair, which made sense in the comic, winds up being dorky rather than threatening in real life. I kept thinking bad wig. And some of the plot developments late in the movie seem to happen to abruptly without adequate explanation (I’d explain but no spoilers).

But the quibbles are small. The movie looks great, it’s well cast, well acted, well paced for such a long movie (2.5 hours). The dialog is well written (I will have to get the graphic novel, I can’t recall how much of this was direct from the comic and how much was written by Wachowskis). It works well as pure escapist, and as political commentary. And it’s got some choice dialog I’ll be quoting until you all get sick of it.

And oh my god is Natalie Portman hot with her head shaved. Holy christ. I want her.

Comment Freaky Styley

I just found a trick at LMT to make author comments show up differently than comments from the peanut gallery. I tried this out yesterday in Hiromi’s blog (which worked out pretty well) so today I added it to my blog. Still tuning but I think it’s pretty cool, it make it clear which comments […]

I just found a trick at LMT to make author comments show up differently than comments from the peanut gallery.

I tried this out yesterday in Hiromi’s blog (which worked out pretty well) so today I added it to my blog.

Still tuning but I think it’s pretty cool, it make it clear which comments are author replies; not that useful here but really useful for Hiromi, who is the queen of comments. I’m still tweaking around with her comments over there to get the best display but I’m likin’ the way it works out.

(This is what I do when I’m sick – that cold I was fighting all last week finally won, and I feel like crap. Which I just typo’d as ‘feel like carp’, which may be how I feel, like a fuckin’ carp.)

A Dirty Job

Christopher Moore, one of my very-most-favorite writers, has a new book out: A Dirty Job I’ve talked about Moore before; I think he’s just awesome. Clever, funny, brilliantly creative. He sits in a weird gray area, part horror, part sci-fi, part humorous fiction. Weird, fucked up things happen in his books. Demons and vampires, talking […]

Christopher Moore, one of my very-most-favorite writers, has a new book out:


0060590270.01. Sclzzzzzzz

A Dirty Job

I’ve talked about Moore before; I think he’s just awesome. Clever, funny, brilliantly creative. He sits in a weird gray area, part horror, part sci-fi, part humorous fiction. Weird, fucked up things happen in his books. Demons and vampires, talking fruit-bats, invisible trickster gods and Jesus’ boyhood pal Biff. I can’t possibly explain all this you need to go read for yourself.

But anyway, this new one, I have guardedly high hopes for. Moore’s last two were weak; Fluke was just stupid, after a brilliant beginning it crashed into a wall (His first serious misfire). The one after it, Stupidest Angel, was back on better territory but had a phoned-in, re-tread sort of feel to it.

But Dirty Job, even though it borrows the theme almost exactly from Piers Anthony’s On a Pale Horse, has the advantage of being written by Moore.

I’m only a couple chapters into it, but he’s already tossed off a hysterically dead-on portrait of a teenage goth-girl (Mmm, my favorite flavor), laugh-out-loud funny. I’m hoping that by working new territory that’s closer to home but not quite re-tread, he’ll get back on track. I hate watching great writers run off the rails, it always pisses me off.

I also have to admire the cover. The pic doesn’t do it justice, but it’s just brilliant.

DeadRingers update

My hand it up on the DeadRingers web site, along with some other fantastic new pictures (Love the gold skulls). They’ve also got some new items on the site, and some sketches of upcoming pieces (Want that celtic cross – nice!) As usual, fabulous designs and incredibly creativity. These guys are awesome.

My hand it up on the DeadRingers web site, along with some other fantastic new pictures (Love the gold skulls).

They’ve also got some new items on the site, and some sketches of upcoming pieces (Want that celtic cross – nice!)

As usual, fabulous designs and incredibly creativity. These guys are awesome.

Happy Blogday to CG

I just wanted to give a nod to the lovely and talented ChelseaGirl who’s celebrating her one year BlogDay anniversary with an all-day house party. And I wanted to point to what I made for her, a little bit of erotica called Chelsea, which wasn’t bad for being written under the influence of tequila. Happy […]

I just wanted to give a nod to the lovely and talented ChelseaGirl who’s celebrating her one year BlogDay anniversary with an all-day house party.

And I wanted to point to what I made for her, a little bit of erotica called Chelsea, which wasn’t bad for being written under the influence of tequila.

Happy BlogDay, CG!