v-minus

I’m incredibly wired. If you’ve met me you know this isn’t unusual. But I mean, I’m incredibly wired even FOR ME. It’s just sunk in that i have one week before vacation, and at least three weeks worth of things to do; mom to take care of (my mother’s having some health issues and is […]

I’m incredibly wired.

If you’ve met me you know this isn’t unusual. But I mean, I’m incredibly wired even FOR ME.

It’s just sunk in that i have one week before vacation, and at least three weeks worth of things to do; mom to take care of (my mother’s having some health issues and is needing a little help but mostly a whole lot of emotional support, and being the only surviving relative it’s been me and only me for a couple months now); work, which means all the things no one else (literally, no one else in the whole company, i’m one of THOSE people) knows how to do have to be written down in my wiki so that people have a chance of being able to get through a week without calling me. I have to gather up my scuba gear – unused for two fucking years if you can belive that, i havn’t been underwater since fiji in August of ’04 – and make sure everything’s working, replace what needs replacing. I have to pack that up (more gear than it used to be, now that my daughter’s diving), i have to take care of my in-laws computer melt-down (which, typically, happens at the worst possible time).

And of course i have that time-compression moment where the mental list of things to do feels bigger than it really is, and the time feels less, in inverse proportion.

What this all does it put me in a near-fugue state where I’m vibrating so fast I’m still; i can’t get anything done for task switching. I’m about to split in two and fire off in different directions.

One more week i keep thinking. Soon that will be good. Right now I just feel the stress and can’t see past it.

It’s been two years since i’ve had a real vacation; and in a lot of ways that two years seems like a lifetime, fire and destruction and re-construction, and i can barely remember a time when I was able to take off twice a year for stress-reducing tropical holidays. I took it for granted then; when i had all the vacation time i wanted, and the incredible luxury of dotcom money.

Now, i’m all too aware of my own luck in being able to travel at all, but today all i feel is – i just heard someone say ‘pinball’ as I was typing this and that’s how i feel, like the big ball-bearing in a pinball game, whack-whack-whack-whack-clunk-ping-thunk, lights flashing, and around in a circle I go.

One more. week. Sigh.

6 thoughts on “v-minus”


  1. And they all pretend they’re orphans and their memory’s like a train
    You can see it getting smaller as it pulls away
    And the things you can’t remember tell the things you can’t forget
    That history puts a saint in every dream

    Well she said she’d stick around until the bandages came off
    But these mama’s boys just don’t know when to quit
    And Mathilda asks the sailors “Are those dreams or are those prayers?”
    So close your eyes, son, and this won’t hurt a bit

    Oh it’s time time time, and it’s time time time
    And it’s time time time that you love
    And it’s time time time

    Well things are pretty lousy for a calendar girl
    The boys just dive right off the cars and splash into the street
    And when they’re on a roll she pulls a razor from her boot
    And a thousand pigeons fall around her feet
    So put a candle in the window and a kiss upon his lips
    As the dish outside the window fills with rain
    Just like a stranger with the weeds in your heart
    And pay the fiddler off ’til I come back again

    Oh it’s time time time, and it’s time time time
    And it’s time time time that you love
    And it’s time time time
    And it’s time time time, and it’s time time time
    And it’s time time time that you love
    And it’s time time time

  2. Wake up, got another day to get through now
    Got another man to see
    Got to call him on the telephone
    Got to find a piece of paper

    Sit down, got another letter to write
    Think Ill got to get the letter just right
    Theres a ringing on the telephone
    Oh no, got to write a little later
    No such day as tomorrow, only one two three go!

    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Tickin in my head, tickin in my head, tickin in my head

    If I tell you what Im doing today
    Will you shut up and get out of my way?
    Someone asked me what the time is,
    I dont know
    Only know I gotta go now

    No time – trying to get a watch repaired
    No time – never got a thing to wear
    Hear the ringin of the telephone no no
    Hear a ringin in my head now
    No such thing as tomorrow, only one two three go!

    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Tickin in my head, tickin in my head, tickin in my head

    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Time – got the time tick-tick-tickin in my head
    Tickin in my head, tickin in my head, tickin in my head

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