Rats, Penguins, and Stuff Blowing Up

I’ve been in one of those frustrating phases of late where I feel the need to write but the combination of absolutely no time, and no mental energy, leave me struggling to make the arc from thought to action. When I’ve had time to myself – as I have several evenings lately, with family away […]

I’ve been in one of those frustrating phases of late where I feel the need to write but the combination of absolutely no time, and no mental energy, leave me struggling to make the arc from thought to action. When I’ve had time to myself – as I have several evenings lately, with family away on minor summertime jaunts – I wind up spending the remaining energy on stupid-yet-imporatant activities like the paying of bills (dammit, why can’t I just do this every second or third months? I’m happier that way!), and the doing of taxes (yeah, I just finally got around to that; it’s a long story why but this is the first time, ever, that I’ve been late with my taxes).

When I do sit down with the intent to work on a story I’m writing, I get no further than adding a bit more to an outline or writing a sentence or two. When I try to work on some of the half-dozen blog entries I have barely started, I find my eyes glaze over.

Yes, I know, you’ve all heard this before. No helpful suggestions, m’kay?

In any case, I have managed to see quite a number of movies lately. So let’s do some quick summaries.

Cartoons:

Shrek III – skip it. Not funny. The best of the film’s in the preview. The animation’s great, but that’s part of the problem; shrek is real enough to actually look like a giant stinky ogre, which just makes him creepy. There are a few good gags, but it doesn’t work.

Surf’s Up – here’s a surprise winner. I expected, when I saw the previews, for Happy Feet to be the winner and this film, he loser. That’s backwards. Happy Feet looked great, but was vastly too long, had little or no story, and though some of it was brilliant, it wound up being very dull. This film, though, was shockingly clever. SHot as a mockumentary, it manages to work perfectly, poking fun at reality teevee, sports films, and cartoons. It’s vastly funnier and better than I expected it to be.

Ratatouille – ok, this should be great; it’s pixar, it’s Brad Bird; it’s about cute rats and cooking, and Thomas Keller, possibly america’s greatest chef these days (certainly one if the best) was a consultant. But with that much buzz, you have to fear. The good news is, it’s that good. Well written, stunningly well animated, great voice acting all around, it’s not just a good cartoon, it’s a really good film. This is one of those that needs to get nominated for something higher than just best cartoon; it won’t be the cartoon that wins best picture, but it certainly should be one that gets nominated. Forget your fear of rats; this is just a good film.

Live Action:

Knocked Up – made by the 40 year old virgin guys, this film works the same territory. But I think it’s better. Despite being about some incredibly crude, juvenile characters, it’s a heart-warming sort of story. The moment when Ben (Seth Rogen, whom I think I’d have a crush on if I swung that way) wakes up to realize he’s just slept with the hottest girl he’s ever met; well, let’s just say, most of us can imagine (or have experienced) that moment. I liked this movie a whole lot more than I expected to; everyone in it was exactly someone I know. My only real issue with the film was that I found Leslie Mann’s character (Debbie) so utterly dislikable that I found it distrating. I don’t think the director was aware how hateful she was; I think he thought she was funny and dysfunctional. She was so familiar to me (I know her exactly, in real life) that I felt my hands twitch with the desire to choke her every time she was on screen.

Live Free or Die Hard – I think this movie has a terrible title but that’s the only thing about it I don’t love. The rest of the series is, you know, ok; this film rocks. It’s cleverly plotted, well written, has amazing stunts; the cast is fantastic, and Bruce Willis as John McClane has now taken Jack Bauer’s place as the butchest action hero around. This movie is everything 24 aims for but often misses. I’d happily see this movie two or three times through; it’s an absolutely classic action film. Also, I have to say, The “I’m a mac” guy, Justin Long, is absolutely great in this film. All the teenage girls I know who have wicked crushes on him from the commercials are gonna fuckin’ swoon when they see this. I’m not kiddin’, they’ll swoon.

That’s how it’s been. Work, movies, sleep, and mythbusters. But that is another post.

Final word on worth

$4140.00The Cadaver Calculator – Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 – Free Online Dating That pretty much tells the tale, doesn’t it? I’m wondering though, if the tattoos and piercings raise or lower the value?

$4140.00The Cadaver Calculator – Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 – Free Online Dating

That pretty much tells the tale, doesn’t it? I’m wondering though, if the tattoos and piercings raise or lower the value?

straight dope

A week or so ago i posted a meme for which I’d been tagged. Read that here. As I said, seven were true, one was not. Here you go: 1 (feet diff. sizes)- true. But at least they’re not both left feet. 3 (mysterious half sister) – true. I need to do an entry on […]

A week or so ago i posted a meme for which I’d been tagged.

Read that here.

As I said, seven were true, one was not.

Here you go:

1 (feet diff. sizes)- true. But at least they’re not both left feet.

3 (mysterious half sister) – true. I need to do an entry on this whole tale someday. Mom, it turns out, was what you might call a wayward girl.

4 (enormous bong) – true. I should post a picture of this massive contraption. It’s from when I worked at Tower, and I used to bring home all manner of drug paraphernalia. It’s almost all gone now, but for some reason I can’t part with this thing, it’s too bizarre.

5 (celebrity encounters) – true. Heather later introduced herself to me (“Hi, I’m Heather”), as if I didn’t know that already.

6 (teenage girl/catholic church) – true. This is the one that seemed to get all the votes. I was a teenage boy at the time so it wasn’t quite as colorful as it sounded. Neither one of us was a catholic, and nether one of us was dressed as a schoolgirl.

7 (high on stolen weed) – true. The ‘rents were big stoners for a while there.

8 (cat claw) – true. When I was a kid, the pet door was in my bedroom. The cat came tearing into the house one morning (no idea what was chasing her), and went directly across my bed and across my face, leaving scars you can still see next to my eye. She left a little hunk of claw embedded in the wound, and since I never went to the doctor about it, it healed over leaving a tiny souvenir.

and the lie:

2 (bridesmaid blowjob) – true, but not for me. I was at the bar drinking with the husband (actually he was the fiancé I now recall), while my buddy (a drummer) went out to his truck with said bridemaid. This woman two years later said to me “I don’t like the way you hug, it’s too intimate”, which sort of shows where she drew the line on ‘intimate’.

The only one who got this right was Bitchy; she already rocks, but now she, you know, rocks even more.

Good tries, the rest of you people.

That’s when I reach for my revolver

Once I had my heroes Once I had my dreams But all of that is changed now They’ve turned things inside out The truth is not so comfortable, no And mother taught us patience The virtues of restraint And father taught us boundaries Beyond which we must go To find the secrets promised us, yeah […]

Once I had my heroes
Once I had my dreams
But all of that is changed now
They’ve turned things inside out
The truth is not so comfortable, no
And mother taught us patience
The virtues of restraint
And father taught us boundaries
Beyond which we must go
To find the secrets promised us, yeah
That’s when I reach for my revolver
That’s when it all gets blown away
That’s when I reach for my revolver
The spirit fights to find its way
A friend of mine once told me
His one and only aim
To build a giant castle
And live inside his name
Cry and whispers sing in muted pain
That’s when I reach for my revolver
That’s when it all gets blown away
That’s when I reach for my revolver
The spirit fights to find its way
Tonight the sky is empty
But that is nothing new
Its dead eyes look upon us
And they tell us we’re nothing but slaves
That’s when I reach for my revolver

My Revolver, Mission of Burma – play it.

outage

For reasons unknown, out webserver was down last night and this morning. Sorry about that, folks. I’ll try to identify why.

For reasons unknown, out webserver was down last night and this morning.

Sorry about that, folks. I’ll try to identify why.

A Forest in Winter

You think the 911/pot brownies thing was all about *bad drugs? Think again. This fuckin’ thing is about bad drugs. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_3b_zp9a8Q] *when I say bad drugs, i of course mean good drugs. You know what i’m sayin.

You think the 911/pot brownies thing was all about *bad drugs?

Think again.

This fuckin’ thing is about bad drugs.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_3b_zp9a8Q]

*when I say bad drugs, i of course mean good drugs. You know what i’m sayin.

get thee thy jesusphone

Ok. It’s time. Go get your iPhone. I don’t get mine ’til late july (we get ours after you get yours – hell, I have the same philosophy in bed, so I can’t argue). And no, I can’t get you one, I can’t get me one, apart from the one-per-employee apple’s handing out as a […]

Ok. It’s time. Go get your iPhone.


Iphonehero20070629

I don’t get mine ’til late july (we get ours after you get yours – hell, I have the same philosophy in bed, so I can’t argue). And no, I can’t get you one, I can’t get me one, apart from the one-per-employee apple’s handing out as a thanks for the incredible amount of work we’ve all been doing on this project.

If you manage to score one, let me know what you think. I still ain’t actually seen one in person, for all the hours I’ve put into getting the chips and boards out.

what’s the score of the red wings game – i think we’re dying…

One can add only three words to this. “What The Fuck” (I had to move this after the cut because for some reason it totally fucks my formatting in safari)

One can add only three words to this.

“What The Fuck”

(I had to move this after the cut because for some reason it totally fucks my formatting in safari)

Read more “what’s the score of the red wings game – i think we’re dying…”

straight 8

Ok, i got tagged on this one (lifts shirt to show indecipherable spray-paint marking). I don’t usually respond to the tag kinda meme (nor dares neither), but a meme that came from susie bright, in which she tagged two of my very favorite girl-sex-bloggers (bitchy and chelsea) is simply hard to say no to. Or […]

Ok, i got tagged on this one (lifts shirt to show indecipherable spray-paint marking).

I don’t usually respond to the tag kinda meme (nor dares neither), but a meme that came from susie bright, in which she tagged two of my very favorite girl-sex-bloggers (bitchy and chelsea) is simply hard to say no to.

Or maybe it’s just that BJ and CG are both impossible to say no to.

In any case, here are the rules:

1. Post these rules before you present the facts.
2. Start with eight random facts/habits about yourself.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

But the game seems to have taken on ‘6. …and then change the rules’.

So I’m gonna flip CG’s meme and give you seven true, and one not. See if you can pick the one.

1) My feet are different sizes; really different sizes. I care just barely wear a pair of shoes, and one’s always too big or two small.

2) I once got a blowjob from one of the bridemaids at a wedding, while her husband was inside drinking shots with my friends.

3) I have a half sister I didn’t know about until I was in my 20s. I kind of wish I’d met her without knowing who she was so – well, you can finish that story for yourself.

4) Despite the fact that I don’t smoke pot, I still own a bong that is made up of roughly eight feet of plexiglass tubing and five feet of rubber hose.

5) I’ve bought drinks for Todd Rundgren, talked about tropical fish with Tom Waits, and almost saw Heather Locklear get pantsed by her daughter.

6) I once fucked a teenage girl in a catholic church.

7) The first time I got high it was weed I’d stolen from my parents.

8) I have a hunk of cat claw embedded in my left cheek.

Have fun. I won’t tag anyone else but if you steal, steal well.

get that German slut from the kitchens, will you?

I just, finally got around to watching the second season of Rome (at least the first episode of it). I’d forgotten how brilliant this show is. Five, maybe ten minutes in, I was right back there, and by the end, I was Titus fuckin’ Pullo, savage, bloody, unbeaten, enemies at my feet. This show makes […]

I just, finally got around to watching the second season of Rome (at least the first episode of it).

I’d forgotten how brilliant this show is. Five, maybe ten minutes in, I was right back there, and by the end, I was Titus fuckin’ Pullo, savage, bloody, unbeaten, enemies at my feet.

This show makes me want to snarl and roar and swing a sword.

God dammit, where’s my slave girl, my wine skin, my blood-spattered tunic. I’m ready. Get me a goddamned time machine. This man isn’t just a character like I want to write; in my head, he’s the character I am. To steal a quote from an entirely different place, I had the rotten luck of being born in the wrong century.

I should have been a roman. I should have lived in a time when you were invited to an orgy, not a cocktail party. Where you wake up and send for a slave girl (“Go get that German slut from the kitchens, will you?”, as Atia says), where you can solve a problem by spilling blood. Fuck therapy, let’s try killing.

That world makes sense to me. Far, far more than does this one.

I can’t wait to delve further into this season; though as with Sopranos and Deadwood, I think I’ve resisted the watching because I don’t want it to end. Such things need, emotionally if not dramatically, to run off into the horizon. I do not want them finite, even if they’re better for ending before we’re ready.

Pullo can’t die. Ever. The curtain may fall on him, but he must remain, bloodied, but unbroken. Rome may fall, emperors may die by the knife or the sword, but Pullo needs to stand at the end. He’s just that kind of character.