Category: movies

What a parent must endure

elvis6 Comments

How is it the same guy can make Desperado, Sin City, and Shark Boy and Lava Girl?It’s what you gotta do sometimes when you’re a parent…. When this happens, you gotta choose from what’s on. Sometimes there’s the unexpected winner.

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How is it the same guy can make Desperado, Sin City, and Shark Boy and Lava Girl?

It’s what you gotta do sometimes when you’re a parent. You go to movies because this weekend, you need something to do with the kids, not because there’s something brilliant playing that you gotta see. When this happens, you gotta choose from what’s on.

Sometimes there’s the unexpected winner. I mean, who’d have though the Wild Thornberries movie would be a charming little flick? Sometimes you get Madagascar, funny, but not something to seek out unless you need a kid flick.

And sometimes you get Shark Boy and Lava Girl.

Let’s start with — my god what a headache I have. Hasn’t 3D gotten better? It took a can of PimpJuice (also known as PJ Tight, the #1 Hip Hop Energy Drink!) to get that under control.

I wanted to like this movie. I was willing to laugh with it when the jokes were terrible and the dialog sounded like written by Rodriguez seven-year-old son (Who’s credited with ‘story by’). I was even willing to find the low-grade CGI effects charming.

But god. It’s boring. Boring, boring, boring. The kind of boring where you wait for a bad joke to groan at because it relives the boredom.

Ok, fine. The kids liked it. They’re the target audience. But damn, you know, I want a director who’s as talented as Rodriguez to have a little, just a little more judgement and self-restraint.

So what’s good about it? Very little. There are some clever creatures, something Rodriguez has a gift for (plug dogs, or something like that, hell-hounds made of electrical wires with plugs for heads), funny casting (Kristin Davis of Sex and the City as Mom, and David Arquette as Dad, looking eerily like Rodriguez himself). But the the only thing that kept me entertained through it was the delightfully pink-haired Taylor Dooley as Lava Girl. She’s cute as a button, and I’m setting my watch for how old she has be for, well, you know. Hell, 2011? Ah. Ok. I’m hoping she keeps the pink hair, I tell ya.

Sigh. When does Howl’s Moving Castle open? There’s one I’ll line up for.

a short review

elvis10 Comments

I’m not gonna devote a lot of space to this, but I saw ‘Revenge of the Sith’ last night…. 1977, I went to see star wars over and over and over.

I’m not gonna devote a lot of space to this, but I saw ‘Revenge of the Sith’ last night.

Background — I’m not what you’d call a huge star wars fan. But I was when the original came out. 1977, I went to see star wars over and over and over. Best movie I’d ever seen, at the time.

But honestly, in a lot of ways I wish they’d just made the one. While the second was well done, and built the mythos, the third was weak, and as a whole, they are just not as cool as that simple first film.

So when Lucas announced he was making a new trilogy, I was vaguely excited, but fearful.

The first new film — Jar Jar. Need I say more? Technical without really looking that good, and aside from some great casting, not a good film.

I skipped ‘clones’ completely. The name was stupid, the previews were bad. I just wasn’t interested. I’ll go rent it eventually.

So when the previews for ‘sith’ looked good, I was surprised that I wanted to see it. I started to remember how much I loved the original.

I felt a sense of great nostalgia last night when I walked in, seeing kids in the front row. I remembered how I had to — had to be in the front row, or I would leave and wait for the next showing. I’ll never forget that first moment when the first ships enter the frame, like something direct from my teenage daydreams and fantasies. I’ll never forget how I felt watching the storm troopers and Vader enter the scene.

So I’m ready to cut ‘sith’ a lot of slack.

Executive Summary — I enjoyed the hell out of it, and if you don’t think hard, it’s not a bad film.

Good things — no Jar Jar, at least no speaking Jar Jar. No Ewoks. Natalie Portman is still a hottie. Hayden Christiansen isn’t a horrible actor. Ewen MacGregor odes a pretty damned good Alec Guiness. The lizard Obi-Wan rides (which I’m thinking of as a ‘Tharlarion’, and if you get the reference you’re a geek) rocks.The fights are great. General Grevious is too fucking cool. The film, for something completely digital, looks pretty lifelike.

Bad things — the script. Come on Lucas, you’re not a dialog writer. A little Yoda goes a long way, and this film has a lot of Yoda. Natalie Portman can’t act. The spaceship battles really don’t look that good for all the technology. Evidently, start travel is now instantaneous, time/distance is not a factor. The whole plot is made of spit and bailing wire.

Basically, it’s candy. You have to strap in and hang on and not look too close, but it’s an enjoyable film, and it exceeded my expectations.

But you know, I want to go back and watch the original now.

Going Solo

elvis6 Comments

(Fair warninI was kinda hoping for someone more evil. But as long as I’m not fuckin’ Jar Jar Binks…

(Fair warning — this is a stupid flash thing and plays fucking music. Kill your sound)

I was kinda hoping for someone more evil. But as long as I’m not fuckin’ Jar Jar Binks…

Everything up until the killing, will be a gas.

elvis3 Comments

Sin City “She smells like angels ought to smell…. The perfect woman.

“She smells like angels ought to smell. … The perfect woman. The goddess. Goldie.”

     -Marv, Sin City

Well, we’re on the theme of comics, so we might as well talk about Sin City.

Read more “Everything up until the killing, will be a gas.”

Hitchhiker’s Guide: Amazingly, mindbogglingly awful.

elvis7 Comments

I mean, you might think that The Phantom Menace was a hopelessly misguided attempt to reinvent a much-loved franchise by people who, though well-intentioned, completely failed to understand what made the original popular – but that’s just peanuts to the Hitchhiker’s movie…. It’s not even a good film if viewed as an original work: the characters are unsympathetic, the cast exhibit no chemistry, the direction is pedestrian, the pace plodding, the special effects overpowering (lots and lots of special effects, none of them funny mind you) and above all the script is amazingly, mindbogglingly awful.

MJ Simpson, Douglas Adams biographer, has posted a review of the new Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy movie.

A few key quotes:

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy movie is bad. Really bad. You just won’t believe how vastly, staggeringly, jaw-droppingly bad it is. I mean, you might think that The Phantom Menace was a hopelessly misguided attempt to reinvent a much-loved franchise by people who, though well-intentioned, completely failed to understand what made the original popular – but that’s just peanuts to the Hitchhiker’s movie. Listen.

. . . . .

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy movie is an abomination. Whereas the radio show, TV show, books and computer game are all recognisably variations on a theme, this is something new and almost entirely unrelated. It’s not even a good film if viewed as an original work: the characters are unsympathetic, the cast exhibit no chemistry, the direction is pedestrian, the pace plodding, the special effects overpowering (lots and lots of special effects, none of them funny mind you) and above all the script is amazingly, mindbogglingly awful. Oh, and they have taken most of the jokes out.

This is a terrible, terrible film and it makes me want to weep.

Wow. That’s some kinda bad. Watching the previews I cannot say I’m surprised. I can’t imagine making a decent hollywood movie out of a book where the best parts are the narrative digressions. But you’d think they could make one that would not utterly suck.

Fingers crossed that MJ’s wrong, but not holding my breath, I tell you.

Confession

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I’ve killed a lot of men and sinned a lot of women. But the men I killed needed killin’ and the women wanted sinnin’, and well, I never was one much to argue.

“Well, I’ve done a lot of killin’. I’ve killed a lot of men and sinned a lot of women. But the men I killed needed killin’ and the women wanted sinnin’, and well, I never was one much to argue. “

          –Marlon Brando confesses in The Appaloosa

My friend Rachel quoted that to me recently and you know, about all I can say is, words to live by.

…This is where I might as well throw in a couple of my favorite confession lines, from the completely brilliant Desperado.

“Bless me, Father, for I have just killed quite a few men.”

and

“Would you like confession?”

“Maybe later, where I’m going I would just have to come straight back.”

I wish I didn’t love you so much.

Karl Elvis5 Comments

As much as I love movies in general, and old movies in particular, you’d think I would have seen it before. For some reason, I’ve never seen Casablanca. For all the times I’ve seen the ending or some other key scene, I’ve never seen the whole thing. Well, finally, someone (Thanks Beano!) dragged me down […]

As much as I love movies in general, and old movies in particular, you’d think I would have seen it before.

For some reason, I’ve never seen Casablanca. For all the times I’ve seen the ending or some other key scene, I’ve never seen the whole thing.

Well, finally, someone (Thanks Beano!) dragged me down to see it.

Read more “I wish I didn’t love you so much.”