I don’t know if it will make any difference.

I don’t know if it will bring any comfort to her family, to have a random stranger who was in love with their daughter, pick a card, paste a stamp. Cards are stupid, but it’s what one does.

I hated every card I could find, on the racks at my local CVS, but starting from a blank page was more than I could manage. I don’t even remember what it said, but at least there was no odious religion.

Mostly it was an enclosure for something I typed out – my handwriting is awful – telling them who I was (the friend who once worked at Apple, who helped them with my employee discounts), that I am heartbroken at the loss. That she was my best friend.

I gave them my contact info and asked if they might tell me anything; at least about burial or cremation. It’s not knowing, I think, that makes this so fucking difficult for me. To have her gone with only three words – she passed away – and nothing else.

I chose a Disney stamp, because I know Disney was important to her family. anything to earn goodwill.

I mailed it today. It will be in Florida in a day or two, maybe by the weekend. I do not know when or if it will be opened. So I wait and hope I hear something – text, email, call, something.

I tell myself not to expect anything. But the gaping hole where she used to be needs some little thing to fill it.