Taco Flavored Kisses

I’ll fill all your wishes with my taco flavored kisses! South Park viewers will know where that comes from. You ever encounter a food item that you just think, this is fucking wrong? Kraft “Mexican Style Taco Cheese.” Yeah, it’s cheese. That tastes like tacos. Ewww? I just grabbed something to eat out of my […]

I’ll fill all your wishes
with my taco flavored kisses!

South Park viewers will know where that comes from.

You ever encounter a food item that you just think, this is fucking wrong?

Kraft “Mexican Style Taco Cheese.”

Yeah, it’s cheese. That tastes like tacos.

Ewww?


I just grabbed something to eat out of my refrigerator. I’m vaguely under the weather, and I just wanted something simple – piece of toast, ham, and some cheese. There was a pack of shredded cheese in there, which I only buy normally when I’m having to feed a lot of people quickly (Like a party last weekend that got bigger than originally planned). But the pack is there and open, so whatever.

So I’m thinking this is one of those standard cheddar-and-jack mixes. Whatever, it’s food, I’m hungry, I don’t have to think about it.

So I’m munching on what should taste like toasted sourdough, ham, and cheese. Only it’s tasting like — tacos? No, I’m thinking, I’m losing my mind. Something is off with my taste buds.

Crunch, crunch.

Fuck. I’m still tasting tacos.

So I go look at the package. Sure enough. Shredded cheese with taco flavoring.

Let me say again. Eeeew. Nothing says fine home cooking like artificial taco flavoring in cheap shredded cheese.

Who buys this shit? Ok, *I* must have bought it, but by mistake during a last-minute run for tequila, ice, and some extra beans and cheese. But who buys it on purpose? Who is it that thinks, cheese is pretty good, you know, but you know what cheese is missing? Taco flavoring!

Yeah, tell the french. They’ve been doing it wrong all this time. Fromage du Taco. Just the thing.

And you know the worst of it? I CAN’T GET THE FUCKING TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH. It’s worse than cigar aftertaste. I tried eating something else, I tried brushing my teeth. I’m about ready to gargle with rubbing alcohol.

Say it again. Eeeew.

I don’t know about you, but I tend to like things simple. I like my cheese to be, well, cheese. Cheese flavored cheese. What an idea.

No wonder americans are so unhealthy. “This needs more artificial flavor – plus, let’s crush up beetles and mix them in so it can be bright red.”

I’m going back to bed.

0 thoughts on “Taco Flavored Kisses”

  1. I’ve seen this stuff on the shelf, and can’t for the life of me think of why anyone would buy it.

    My guess — and this is just a guess — is that the magic ingredients are any two of: cumin powder, chili powder, or cayanne powder. I’m betting on the first two. Taco Bell meat, for example, is just ooozing in cumin and that’s what gives it that distintive taste.

    How to get rid of it? Since brushing didn’t help, I’m gonna guess it’s not water soluble. Probably something in the binder. I’d suggest rinsing with alcohol, since that’s as good as anything at cutting oil. Listerine, anyone?

  2. I’m having such a terrible day, Karl…sigh.

    I don’t guess you feel like coming on out here and beating up some sucky people people for me?

    Oh. And I agree with the last comment (I think…); gargle with tequila. Repeat if necessary.

  3. I think MstrTroth is being far too charitable to taco cheese–I’m guessing no REAL spices exist in that other-worldly concoction. Since it’s all chemicals mimicking spices (read Fast Food Nation for more info on this), it’s a tough to say what will get rid of the taste. But tequila, by God, makes everything better. It’s like my mom said of the intense drugs they gave in her in lieu of anesthesia when they pulled her wisdom teeth: “You can feel them doing it, but you just don’t care.”

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