Stinky Boxes and Dead TiVos

Life’s trivial annoyances. Yesterday, I got a shipment from Sephora.com – items selected from someone’s wishlist for xmas. Like, a hundred and fifty bucks worth of high-end beauty products. So the box just reeks when I get it. Like a fucking french whorehouse. And I’m thinking, this can’t be good. Turns out one of the […]

Life’s trivial annoyances.

Yesterday, I got a shipment from Sephora.com – items selected from someone’s wishlist for xmas. Like, a hundred and fifty bucks worth of high-end beauty products.

So the box just reeks when I get it. Like a fucking french whorehouse. And I’m thinking, this can’t be good.

Turns out one of the products inside – a bottle of Jonathan Product shampoo, has burst during shipment, completely soaking everything inside, including all the fussy gift-wrapping, the paperwork, everything, with this stinking golden goo.

Fuck. So the labor-saving idea I had, to order it, turns into another xmas week mall trek to return this dripping slimy box.

Mmm. Dripping box. Wait, the clerks at Sephora are generally total babes, maybe this won’t suck.

And then there’s my TiVo. Which picked yesterday to die. And of course a TiVo is a commodity like a cell phone, you don’t repair it, you just buy a new one when it’s out of warranty. Which it is, of course. Nevermind the hours of teevee I had saved on it to be watched over my holiday break, movies and marathons of Nip/Tuck (which I admit I’m saving because it’s suckage seems to know no bounds this season; yet I can’t look away).

But it’s another of those fucking expenses I can’t really afford, yet have to pay.

I don’t even watch that much teevee. Why do I need two TiVos? Yet, of course, the few things I do watch are always on the same day, at the same time. And I never, ever watch teevee live anymore, once you get used to TiVo you can’t.

I’m thinking about bypassing the mall and just heading for the horizon when I leave work. Who’s with me?

16 thoughts on “Stinky Boxes and Dead TiVos”

  1. If you’re going to burn stuff, don’t forget the pillaging.

    On the Tivo: IF you’re willing to kill warranty on a brand-new box, you can actually transfer harddrives. IF. Most people aren’t. And there is, of course, the modded ones on sale on Ebay already, including the ‘I modded this to hold 5K hours of stuff” which says you watch way too much tv. Just some tips from the people upstairs. Apparently it’s always sunny and 72 in Tivo.

  2. I remember saying something like “I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive….” And suddenly there was a terrible roar all around us and the sky was full of what looked like huge bats, all swooping and screeching and diving around the car, which was going about a hundred miles an hour with the top down to Las Vegas. And a voice was screaming “Holy Jesus! What are these goddamn animals?”

  3. “As your attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you’ll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special messages. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of Saratoga for at least 48 hours.”

  4. Re: Nip/Tuck. It’s funny — I *started* watching it this season, and haven’t seen the first 2 yet. I keep reading about how it’s gotten so awful and ridiculous, but those qualities are exactly what drew me in in the first place! I’m holding off on NetFlixing the the first two seasons until after I watch the finale (TiVo’d last night) so that the quality fo the earlier stuff doesn’t totally rob me of the pleasure of rolling in the trash of the current season….

  5. Yeah, it’s absurd camp now but it’s like they don’t know it.

    Greg, the first season’s really good – soap, but quality soap, about the real people behind this incredibly phony industry. Shawn’s a brilliant surgeon but a bumbler with his own life, Christian is a fuck-up as a surgeon but is so charming that life just comes to him.

    Very well done and the ending a great.

    Second season they lost their way; started well, got kinds stupid, then got really good with intense, weird, explicit sex. But it ended very very badly. This season I was hoping for a return to season one, but no, they went beyond season two into the ether.

  6. Wow I just watched the finale of nip tuck. Lord, just when you think they can’t dip lower or get stupider or make things less realistic, they surprise you.

    It’s almost at that so-bad-it’s-good point. Only not quite.

  7. My mother called and repeatedly attempted to relay the finale to me even as I protested that I had no desire to hear it.

    Apparently, and according to my mother, a whole lot of people either had no penis when they probably could have been expected to, or were in imminient danger of losing the penis in their current possession.

    The conversation got blurry after hearing my 72 year old mother say the word “dick…”

    Shoot me.

  8. I’ll hit the horizon with you!

    I’ve been crazy busy these past few days (hense my lack of comments).

    That SUCKS about the leaky package (haha leaky package) – I hope you gave those bitches hell.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.