I can’t figure out why I have so little will to write.

I’ve tried to work on some erotica I wanted to get down – a piece based on real people I know that I started a while back. But I stared at the page and nothing happened.

I tried to get back to the Wanton sequel I have partly done but it again defies me. I know it’s gone in the wrong direction, but I can’t figure out if I need to toss the whole thing or if I can find where it goes wrong.

I feel like, the effort I put into all this, re-building and upgrading, that I should now be typing out great reams of creative work; somehow though the sheer amount of brain-power I put into that technological project last week seemed to leave me spent. It’s frustrating. The muse, as usual, won’t be commanded but comes when she’s ready. A though that reminds me of a story, but it’s someone else’s story.

Today, I am off to work at a Highland Games, selling Utilikilts. Normally something I love doing, but for some reason today I’m not that into it. I’d rather be doing nothing, or writing, or doing stupid shit around the house, or drinking and hanging out with friends. I’m sure that will change when I’m there and doing the sales thing, but now — I’d rather be sleeping.

But maybe I’ll go buy a new kilt today. You can’t have too many kilts.

Baby when you gotta sleep
Lay your head down low
Don’t let the world
Lay heavy on your soul
’cause when you gotta sleep
You gotta sleep

Cool waves wash over me
Cool water running free
Lay your sweet hand on me
’cause I love you
Love you
Love you

–Spiritualized, ‘Cool Waves’

Someone told me today that my writing was very stream of conscious. Which puzzled me for a second because I don’t think of my writing that way. But it’s a quality I’ve always aspired to as a writer so I suppose that I took it as a compliment.

Read more “Stream of Unconsciousness”