January 5, 2008
I just sent someone running back into therapy, I guess.
Checking my sitemeter, I discover somebody who ran across my blog googling "pics of hot guys new orleans".
Apparently the #2 link for that search in Google leads to the infamous sushi pictures.
They didn't click around to read any more.
Nyuk nyuk nyuk.
Posted by ray at 6:38 PM | Comments (8)
March 14, 2007
It's the most wonderful tiiiiiime of the year...
Maitri is under some delusion that today is pi day. Being a virtuous girl, she of course is celebrating a virtuous holiday.
Manly men know that today is actually Steak and a BJ Day.
Since my vegetarian wife is out of town, I get to eat steak.
Sigh...
Posted by ray at 5:06 PM | Comments (16)
September 29, 2006
Fall fever
There is something about the arrival of fall weather that stimulates the primal urges.
Food urges, that is.
I suddenly want to eat all the time, I'm digging out cookbooks 'cause I want to cook all the time, I have zero patience for crap food.
The oysters are back, Casamento's is open so I can walk a few blocks to get a dozen for an appetizer, a cup of oyster stew and a fried oyster dinner (trifecta!). The snowball stands are closing down one by one and running out of syrup so I have to try strange flavors like blackberry. I've given up on WWL in the afternoons and now Tom Fitzmorris is my only true radio friend.
I'm already planning my Thanksgiving menu.
Almost nothing could stand between me and the gorgonzola pasta at the Austin Whole Foods pasta bar, which I was addicted to this time last year and which I miss terribly. I have visions of mint chocolate chip ice cream. I need to find a decent katsudon in New Orleans because what I had in Austin is irreplaceable.
I need homemade popcorn with melted European butter on it and I need it now.
I'm all flushed, I feel faint. Maybe I'm pregnant.
Posted by ray at 8:24 PM | Comments (14)
August 8, 2006
More reasons to love New Zealand
Lisa of Irks and Delights mentioned in some comments the other day how becoming a reform Kiwi may someday be her way of making like Einstein and getting the fuck out of here if the current national madness takes a turn for the worse.
I admit that New Zealand has always been near the top of our list as well, behind Vancouver and Montreal. That plane flight seems awfully daunting, but this may make up for it:
Topless porn star parade in Auckland gets OK
Unless the local rollergirls start shedding their sports bras, I'm finding this hard to pass up.
Posted by ray at 8:15 PM | Comments (4)
February 9, 2006
HNT: The sushi pics
"It's a rather lurid cover, I mean...it's, it's like naked women, and he's tied down to this table, and he's got these whips and they're all...semi-nude. Knockin' on 'im and it's like much worse..."
"What's the point?"
"Well the point is it's much worse than 'Smell the Glove'...he releases that he's number three"
"Because he's the victim. Their objections were that she was the victim. You see?"
"Oh..."
"That's alright, if the singer's the victim, it's different. It's not sexist."
"He did a twist on it. A twist and it s-"
"He did, he did. He turned it around."
"We shoulda thought of that...."
"We were so close...."
"I mean if we had all you guys tied up, that probably woulda been fine."
"It's such a fine line between stupid and...and clever."
A couple of years ago on orkut, there was a big argument raging about body sushi...whether or not it was inherently sexist and degrading. Naturally, I was arguing strongly on the side of "sexy, if done with consent and respect". The anti-sex, anti-porn brigade was taking up the other side.
As is normally the case with these kinds of discussions, eventually I got bored with arguing and started making fun of the argument. This time in the form of pictures, which my wife took, and which I posted to the "Hot or Not" forum with a link back from the sushi discussion.
The effect was stunning. All discussion in the sushi forum instantly stopped dead. While in the Hot or Not forum, the responses ranged from "Oh my fucking god", to "Gross!", to "Gluuuuuh", to "You're supposed to eat that off a beautiful Asian model, not some guy's hairy back".
Which was kind of ironic, when you think about it. When a women does this, the discussion is about whether she is being objectified as a woman, being disrespected as a human being. When a man does it, the comments are only about whether or not he's sexy, or fat, or hairy, or gross...thus completely objectifying and disrespecting the man without regard for his feelings or his intent.
Anyway, these aren't current. These days I'm about 25 pounds lighter with about 15 hours worth of additional ink.
And yeah, we ate the sushi. The wife figured she'd licked worse things than my back, and the boy is such a sushi-hound he'd eat sushi if he found it lying in the middle of the road on the way to school.
Happy Half-Nekkid Thursday.
Posted by ray at 8:20 AM | Comments (19)
January 10, 2006
And there was much rejoicing
Scarlett Johansson doesn’t believe in monogamy.
Posted by ray at 6:50 AM | Comments (4)
December 27, 2005
Finally, fake boobs you can use.
Gina forwarded this to me, and suggested I inform Karl immediately.
Busty Mousepads have a built-in wrist rest in the form of gel boobs.
Ergonomics have always been very important to me. My birthday is in April.
Posted by ray at 12:32 PM | Comments (6)
December 5, 2005
Naked taiko
I though the women Taiko drummers at Epcot were kind of hot.
But my eyes have been opened, thanks to Brett and Hiromi, who have located, not just hot taiko drummers, but hot naked sweaty tattooed taiko drummers.
Posted by ray at 8:47 PM | Comments (1)
November 30, 2005
Sex drive in a nasal spray
Entering Phase 3 clinical trials now is PT-141, a powerful libido-enhancing drug which works on both men and women. There's a great article in New York Metro about it which explains how it works, how well it works, and also poses some interesting philosophical questions.
My main question, though, is how do I sign up for these clinical trials? Make me your lab rat, baby. I'll even wear whiskers and a tail if I can get some of this stuff.
Think again, then, about those moments when your sex drive stalled and your mind filled with anxieties that you ultimately managed to talk yourself out of. Now imagine that you failed, in the end, to talk away the anxieties; imagine you instead found yourself obliged to listen to them, and that they told you things about yourself, your life, that you hadn’t wanted to hear but finally had to acknowledge were true. Imagine that as a result of all this listening, you understood at last that you had to, for instance, leave your husband, your wife, the man or woman you’d first slept with on that third or fourth date, the one full of rich food, hard liquor, etc.; and that now that you thought about it, the voice inside you that night that had wanted you home watching television had sounded a lot like the one now telling you to leave your marriage, and that, all things considered, you probably should have paid more attention to it then.Now imagine the whole story all over again, except that at the very moment these anxious voices start to pipe up, you find yourself with an inhaler of PT-141 and a decision to make: You can either take your sexual dissatisfaction seriously and learn from it, or you can take a hit of PT-141 and write off your anxieties as nothing more than fallout from the mild case of sexual-desire disorder the drug will soon have under control. Which do you choose? Self-knowledge or self-content? The awful truth or the convenient fiction?
Take your time.
Posted by ray at 10:14 AM | Comments (6)
August 19, 2005
Hiromi and Brett
Yesterday I had the honor of meeting Hiromi and Brett of pantiespantiespanties for lunch. They took me to their favorite restaurant, a little Vietnamese lunch place on North Lamar called Tam Deli, where I had the most amazing sandwich, a grilled pork banh mi. A lot like a Vietnamese po-boy, grilled pork on french bread dressed with mayo, shredded carrots, cucumbers, cilantro, and big slices of raw jalapeno.
They also talked me into getting a durian smoothie, which is one of those foods of the smells-awful-tastes-great variety...only without the tastes-great part. (You might have seen or read about Anthony Bourdain trying to choke it down.) Actually, in smoothie form it didn't have much of a smell, and the flavor was hard to describe...Hiromi says it tastes like garlic and onions, I thought it tasted like the best used kitty litter I've ever had. And I mean that in a good way. I drank more than half of mine, they finished theirs (but they split one, so they were cheating.)
In case you're wondering, yes, they are both lovely and charming people. And yes, Hiromi is just as hot with her clothes on.
We actually didn't talk about panties or sex at all, though, oddly enough. (Next time?) Mostly we talked about food (shut UP, Rachel), work, food, countries we've been to, food, countries we haven't been to, blogging, and food.
Next time out I need to get them over to Gene's for New Orleans style po-boys, I think.
Posted by ray at 8:38 AM | Comments (0)
August 15, 2005
Activist
For most of my life I never wore any kind of scent, no cologne or aftershave at all. A few years back, though, Gina bought me a bottle of Activist from the Body Shop. But I wore it only rarely, generally on nights when Gina and I could get a sitter and go out on a grownup date.
The problem...well, not problem really, but the situation...is that those nights invariably involved some pretty hot activities after we got home from dinner or wherever our date took us, and so now the Activist scent is intertwined in my mind with...uh...well, it pretty much smells like sex to me. It totally gets my blood going.
So of course, that means that lately I've been wearing it all the damn time. Just because I can.
And now I'm about to run out.
And The Body Shop discontinued it last year.
Help!
Does anybody know where I might lay my hands on some of this stuff on the black market, or recommend something else that is equally studly, yet not tested on animals? I'm looking for sex in a bottle here, not just any old foofoo.
Posted by ray at 4:04 PM | Comments (0)
July 27, 2005
The Ladder Theory of Male/Female Interaction
Sally: We are just going to be friends, OK? Harry: Great, friends. It's the best thing...You realize, of course, that we can never be friends.Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape, or form - is that men and women can't be friends, because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my
knowledge?Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do too.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.
Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail them, too.
Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?
Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story.
Go here for the scientific analysis. Brought to you by the geniuses at Intellectual Whores.
Criticism:That's not true Answer:Yes it is. Q: Are you serious or is the site just satire? A: Nothing is just satire.
Posted by ray at 11:18 AM | Comments (1)
April 24, 2005
Popes, gays, and the whole blowjob thing
I missed this one in Savage Love a couple of weeks ago, but it's worth a read, if for no other reason than to see how he gets from zombie fetish to the papacy in only three moves.
What's maddening about this pope's signature gay bashing is this: When the pope--the dead one, the next one, the one after that--says something stupid about homosexuality, straight Americans take it to heart. The church's efforts have helped defeat gay rights bills, lead to the omission of gays and lesbians from hate-crime statutes, and helped to pass anti-gay-marriage amendments. But when a pope says something stupid about heterosexuality, straight Americans go deaf. And this pope had plenty to say about heterosexual sex--no contraceptives, no premarital sex, no blowjobs, no jerkin' off, no divorce, no remarriage, no artificial insemination, no blowjobs, no three-ways, no swinging, no blowjobs, no anal. Did I mention no blowjobs? John Paul II had a longer list of "no's" for straight people than he did for gay people. But when he tried to meddle in the private lives of straights, the same people who deferred to his delicate sensibilities where my rights were concerned suddenly blew the old asshole off. Gay blowjobs are expendable, it seems; straight ones are sacred.
Posted by ray at 10:22 PM | Comments (0)
April 10, 2005
Get a pair!
We are proud to introduce Ballsies, the first line of jewelry that captures the essence of everyone's favorite baggy buddies. Strength, guts, independence, and attitude: Ballsies are everything you are, just slightly more bulbous.
Posted by ray at 12:38 PM | Comments (0)
February 10, 2005
Correction
Drop Christina Ricci.
Add Eva Green, the girl from Bertolucci's The Dreamers.
THAT movie is a walking public service announcement for the abolition of pubic shaving if I ever saw one.
Posted by ray at 11:52 AM | Comments (1)
February 9, 2005
It's a coffee table book.
Larry: This is a real classic by Mr. Pinsky, it's entitled: "One Hundred Girls I'd Like to Fuck."
Mr. Pinsky: It's a coffee-table book.
Karl started this based on something from SFGate, although if you had to you could probably say this all started with Mr. Pinsky in Throw Momma From The Train. But what the hell, it's a worthy cause.
So. "The Top 10 Movie Stars I'd Like To Fuck (plus One), In No Particular Order Except for The Top Three":
1. Kate Winslet
2. Helena Bonham Carter
(oh, look, the makings of a threesome)
3. Scarlett Johansson
4. Susan Sarandon
5. Christina Ricci
6. Iben Hjejle
7. Julianne Moore
8. Jennifer Connelly
9. Keira Knightley
10. Emily Browning (see? a round-up)
and the non-movie star bonus answer:
11. Monica Lewisky
and the "it's cheating to go back in time but if I could go back to 1966 and if I could get her to wear the Catwoman outfit" bonus answer:
12. Julie Newmar
Sigh.
Posted by ray at 8:38 PM | Comments (3)
May 30, 2004
Why Food Is Better Than Sex
Or, more accurately, why talking about sex on Orkut is usually boring. A continuation of something that started on Karl's Moronosphere.
I've seen this band. One of the greatest bands I've ever seen in my life. They played a handful of live shows in the 80's, in Houston. Never recorded anything. Just played a few brilliant shows, then broke up, and the guys all went back to college.
You have no chance of ever hearing this band. You'll only ever hear second-hand reports from people who were there. And they'll talk about how "they rocked" or how they were "kind of like Sonic Youth meets Samul-Nori with a little Shonen Knife thrown in" or how they "deconstructed pre-grunge". But you will never hear the music. You will never really have any idea what these people are talking about.
My guess is that after a brief discussion, your desire to hear anything else about this band will be practically nil. Because words can only convey so much about the subject, and after that, without any shared musical frame of reference, without actually at some point hearing the music, further discussion is redundant, it's boring, it provides nothing new of interest, and so you'll either change the subject or you'll walk away.
If talking about music is like dancing about architecture, then talking about sex is like jogging about calculus, or something equally ludicrous. Taking something that's very complex, very powerful, and very diffucult to understand without actually doing it, and translating it into a form that's so redundant and so unlike the real thing that it can't help but be boring.
Without some shared frame of reference, discussion about any topic gets boring very quickly. And with sex, that shared frame of reference is almost impossible to obtain.
We can talk about music, and chances are we've heard the same bands, which gives us a basis for discussion. You might talk about a band I've never heard, but I can go out and buy their CD. And if I can't, I'm not really going to want to hear too much more about them.
We can talk about food, and chances are we've eaten some of the same foods. And we can share recipes. It's even possible we can cook for each other. And if I say "my wife puts nutmeg in her crab & corn quiche", you've probably had quiche, maybe even crab & corn quiche, you know what nutmeg tastes like, and you can probably say "wow" or "ick" based on that description alone. And if not, you can go and make a quiche with nutmeg in it and find out.
But when talking about, oh, blowjobs, for instance, the whole thing breaks down. Somebody can talk about their favorite blowjob techniques, I can talk about what I like in a blowjob, but without actually doing it, there's no way I can tell if they really have any clue how its done. And I think everybody agrees, when it comes to blowjobs, either you get it or you don't.
And so any further knowledge stops there. Because it's pretty bloody unlikely that that person will ever be giving me a blowjob in this lifetime. The conversation very quickly comes up short because of a lack of shared reality in which to ground it. Words just do not convey what needs to be conveyed when it comes to sex.
I'm not talking about erotica. Erotica is different. Erotica is not about conveying the writer's ideas, it's about stimulating the reader's imagination. My imagination can supply the details, and they may be different than the writer's details, but as long as the writer is skilled in stimulating my imagination, they'll be a great erotic writer.
But the gratuitous flirting on Orkut? Doesn't do that. It's just flirting. From people who may or may not have any clue what makes a good blowjob. People who I will never have sex with, and so will probably never have even a minimal shared frame of reference with. So all this talk by necessity goes from fun to redundant to boring to actively irritating very quickly. The medium just isn't rich enough. Video of somebody giving a blowjob? Bring it on. Come to my house and give me a blowjob? Well, I'll have to clear it with the wife, but in principal, I'm for it, of course. But talking about how your boyfriend once took your picture with his dick in your mouth? Big fucking deal. You and ten million other girls. I'd rather hear about your last traffic ticket.
Or I'd rather talk about food. Not because I'm a prude, or because I don't like sex. But because talking about sex is almost completely unrelated to actually doing it, and unlike with food, talking about sex doesn't contribute anything to actually doing it later.
Posted by ray at 11:39 AM | Comments (0)