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September 16, 2004
Austin City Limits
Got my wristband for the Austin City Limits festival today. Just waiting in line at the box office the day before the festival was grueling enough. No shade, 95 degrees. It's gonna be a hot one.
On the other hand, it's shaping up to be a great annual event. On my must-see list this year are Wilco, Old 97's, Elvis Costello, Dirty Dozen Brass Band, North Mississippi All-Stars, Cat Power, Los Lonely Boys, and Neko Case. Hopefully we'll get at least a little cloud cover, but it doesn't look too likely.
It will also be the first time I do a big music event like this completely sober. Last year I was pretty much plastered both Friday and Saturday. Drinking Miller Lite, no less. Do you have any idea how much Miller Lite it takes to get an experienced alcoholic even a little buzzed? Never mind a drunk whose tastes ran to Islay single malts and strong Belgian beers.
But last year's festival was what planted the final seed in my brain about finally doing something about my drinking. I had finally caught up with my friends Ellen and Andrew at the Martin Sexton show. Never heard of the guy, but Ellie raved about him, so I figured I'd check him out. Honestly, I thought it was just kind of OK singer-songwriter stuff...until he did this song called "Wasted":
Any time of the year
I'd walk a country mile
A pint and a bag in my pocket
Characterized my style
I was wasted not strong as I am now
So wasted not strong as I am now
Always the beautiful son
Always a pack of my friends
Always the worry and trouble
For that sweet buzz that always ends
When you are wasted not strong as I am now
So wasted not strong as I hope I am now
Forty feet up in this pine tree
In a fortress made of scrap wood
Marvel comics, playboys, bongs
Make a 10 year 12 year 16 year old boy feel good
Then there came that day
When my tree house finally fell
I said good-bye to my friends in the woods
All those brothers that would never tell
We were so wasted not strong as we are now
Oh we were so wasted so wasted so wasted
And I remember standing there in the late afternoon sun, can of beer in my hand, another one getting warm in my backpack, thinking that I can't do this much longer, and that what he has in that song sounds real good, and sounds like something I might be able to do.
But not just yet. Because I had some serious drinking events I still had to get through first. I kept at it for another month, in fact. And when I finally quit, and I finally went to my first AA meeting...well, I wasn't dealing well, but I knew if I didn't do it this time, I would never do it, I would just be a drunk until I died. And I bought a copy of the Martin Sexton CD, skipped out of work one day and drove around all afternoon, listening to the song over and over on the radio, reading my AA book in the park, and basically having one long non-stop anxiety attack.
That particular hell didn't stop until about two weeks into my "sobriety", when I finally got me a sponsor at Spider House, got some anti-depressents from my GP, and managed to escape to a more level plane where I could deal with this new life I was trying to figure out.
I never listened to that Sexton song again, until last week when I was making a mix CD for an Orkut friend of mine. I listened once. Can't do it again. It brings back the anxiety. It makes my brain spin. That song is beautiful, but it's tainted for me, because I don't have the meds any more to bring me back from spiralling down into the pit. I'll have to make a copy of that CD for myself, minus one song, I guess.
So I'm going to ACL Fest again this weekend. Same deal, I'll be with family one day, roaming alone looking for friends the other two days. But no beer. I've got a new thing for energy drinks now. Maybe they'll have a Sobe booth or something, and I can get all likkered up on guava nectar and choline. And dance around like a complete idiot, as only a sober guy can.
Posted by ray at September 16, 2004 3:40 PM | Permalink
Categories: [austin | music | sobriety ]
Tags: worthy
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