Oh, ferchrist fucking fucks

Hulk Hogan to reign as Bacchus 2008.
Whatever happened to the days of Jackie Gleason?
Better choices:
Brad Pitt
Bill Murray
Dan Akroyd
John Goodman (‘cept he’s on the wagon)
Philip Seymour Hoffman
Paul Prudhomme
Speaking of, I mean, if we’re all integrated and shit, and we’ve already had one cryogenic replicant (1996), one Belgian sociopath (1994), two white local jazz musicians (1980, 1993), and now next year one roided-up space alien, isn’t it about fucking time we had a black Bacchus?
Bill Cosby
Denzel Washington
Chris Rock
Bernie Mac
Anybody named Marsalis, Jordan, or Batiste (or Baquet for that matter)
Kermit motherfuckin’ Ruffins
Uncle Lionel
Al “Carnival Time” Johnson
Come on, y’all. Hulk Hogan is the best that the greatest minds of Uptown can come up with?

13 Comments to "Oh, ferchrist fucking fucks"

  1. December 18, 2007 - 8:52 pm | Permalink

    cast my vote for Kermit Ruffins or Bernie Mac!
    I’ll pass on a wine-colored hulk hogan doubloon…

  2. December 18, 2007 - 9:27 pm | Permalink

    Hey, KdV had Kermit, Lionel, and Al.
    Bacchus had Dick Clark. And Drew Carey drinking bud light the whole damned parade.
    At least they couldda got Rowdy Roddy Piper. He was great in “They Live”.
    BTW, in my film version of Confederacy, I have Phillip Seymour Hoffman playing Ignatius. That is, assuming I don’t take the role myself.

  3. Ray's Gravatar Ray
    December 18, 2007 - 10:17 pm | Permalink

    PSH was actually being considered for the role a few years ago.
    That there is a film that’s never gonna get done, unless we do it ourselves.

  4. December 19, 2007 - 9:14 am | Permalink

    Kermit with lots of weed for him.

  5. December 19, 2007 - 9:28 am | Permalink

    Once I tried to give Kermit a cigar. He politely informed me that he did not smoke.
    Tobacco.

  6. December 19, 2007 - 10:11 am | Permalink

    Chris Rock would kick ass and take names…or at least incorporate it into his comedy routine about steps forward and steps back for the black community.
    As it is, I still can’t get that thing he said about raising his little girls so that he can keep ‘em off the (stripper)pole. If he’s kept ‘em off the pole, he’s done good as a papa.
    How can a guy like that NOT be Bacchus?

  7. Ray's Gravatar Ray
    December 19, 2007 - 10:12 am | Permalink

    You gotta keep the boys off the pipe and the girls off the pole.

  8. December 19, 2007 - 11:07 am | Permalink

    I’ll give them a pass for not getting Brad Pitt or Goodman, both making a difference locally, because they might have had schedule conflicts.
    But there had to be a better choice available.
    Why not a Queen like Angelina or Ellen Degeneres or Oprah?

  9. December 19, 2007 - 1:27 pm | Permalink

    I’m for Bernie Mac or Bill Murray. I’m all about the BMs, apparently.
    You gotta keep the boys off the pipe and the girls off the pole.
    Heh. Careful; with such a gender-targeted goal, one could end up with a girl on the pipe and a boy on the pole. It’s been known to happen.
    Just say No soup, pipe, OR pole for you!

  10. Ray's Gravatar Ray
    December 19, 2007 - 2:25 pm | Permalink

    I’ve been on the pole.
    That’s why I’m not king of Bacchus.

  11. December 19, 2007 - 10:01 pm | Permalink

    “Why not a Queen like Angelina or Ellen Degeneres or Oprah?”
    Hell yeah….Momenim gets it.

  12. December 19, 2007 - 10:08 pm | Permalink

    I’ve been on the pole.
    Flickr set, please.
    You’re my King of Bacchus every day, baby.

  13. December 19, 2007 - 11:45 pm | Permalink

    Hogan? Ew!
    Ray, you’re HNT gifted. And I think Prudhomme would be perfect. But that’s me.

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