Hiromi_X
How I made it through this time
I inhabited darkness for so long. I want something else. I want a warm glowy feeling. I want to be a force for good.
In recent weeks, I lost my "Everything Will Be Okay" feeling -- possibly due to stress -- and have been slithering around in a pit again (hence the "Craving" post of last Friday). But on Monday, I decided to act like All is Cool and make someone's day. At work, I joked around and made people smile and feel good and shit. But the breakthrough came at a pharmacy of all places. The clerk I spoke to had a deep, pleasant, mellifluous voice. So I told him, "You have such a mellow voice!" in all sincerity, and his face just lit up. He laughed, revealing a small gap between his front teeth (I find a small gap between front teeth endearing). I made his day, and that made my day. Later that afternoon when I went jogging, I saw the special golden afternoon light that I love filtered through bright green leaves and its beauty suddenly struck me like it hasn't struck me in a long time. A star burst warmly in my chest and I thought, "Indeed...Everything Will Be All Right in the End."
And last night, my neighborhood was filled with fireflies.
I survived some grim shit, people, and have no patience with cliches or platitudes. But it's such a simple lesson I learned, so simple it veers close to cliche: Step out of yourself. When you see how you can help others, you are taken out of your dark place. When I can be a source of joy, I know I will have joy. And that ain't no bullshit.
Comments
It's so true that making someone else feel good makes you feel good. Being mindful of your surroundings and the simple things in life will ground you and make you happy, if you let it.
It's not cliche. I firmly 100% believe that cynicism erodes the soul.
I so love lightening bugs (fireflies) and never see them here.
1. Posted by charlotte on April 30, 2008
I firmly 100% believe that cynicism erodes the soul.
I will quote myself shamelessly: Cynicism is nothing more than a lack of imagination. Worse yet, it masquerades as wisdom.
I'm sick of that shit. I want light and air.
2. Posted by Hiromi on April 30, 2008
YES MA'AM!
3. Posted by charlotte on April 30, 2008
The world can be pretty cool place, can't it? And it's silly what makes it that. I saw a butterfly yesterday, several times. I'm not sure if it was attracted to my shirt or what, but every time I went outside yesterday at work, it flitted around me, not quite landing, but just checking things out... made me smile. Which made other people smile :)
4. Posted by darkneuro on May 1, 2008
Happiness is only real when shared
Reading your post reminded me of that phrase from the movie "Into the Wild." It was apparently one of the last things the main character wrote. After working so long to get himself alone in the Alaskan wilderness, he belatedly realizes this simple truth and in that moment of revelation he makes his peace with the world.
The more happiness you share, the more you will feel.
5. Posted by Joe on May 1, 2008
Good to hear you solved your funk.
Have you tried going for pleasure rides more often?
I find that riding can put everything in perspective, and the natural beauty of the road puts me in touch with god(who ever she is), so when I return home I am in a better mood,and ready to take on the next bunch of as***les at work ( I work customer service for one of the big three auto makers)
BTW love the spambot foiling phrase.
6. Posted by Sic-un on May 1, 2008
You know, for me this blog is sort of like ongoing version of that conversation in the pharmacy. A source of inspiration (and entertainment, insight, amusement etc...) and humanity. Don't go quiet on us any time soon, hiromi.
L
7. Posted by mushkil on May 3, 2008