Hiromi_X
Slow down, please
I've been plotting to leave Texas, and it looks like my efforts are finally bearing fruit. I probably won't be here much longer. So much has happened to me so soon, all (or most) of it stuff that I've wanted. So...change is on its way.
I am both exhilarated and terrified. I feel like I'm finally getting my shit together, doing what I'm supposed to do. This is right; it feels right. But I also feel like I'm being swept along in a rapid current, and I want it all to stop. I want to exist in a space of calm where I can simply breathe and think of nothing. In the end, I will move forward, because that's what I do: kick ass and take names. Right now, though, I don't want to grow up. Why must we grow up? Why can't we stay where it's warm and safe and we don't have to fend for ourselves?
I suspect that some people might relapse in instances such as this. I am in absolutely no danger of that, but I recognize in an intellectual way that this fear of change and responsibility and self-sufficiency can scare an addict into relapsing back into a childlike state.
By the time the weather grows hot, there will have been many changes. I want to wrap myself in the cold rains that are falling now and savor the unchanging-ness of things.
Wait, future. Please.
Comments
as long as you own a motorcycle you're in no danger of growing up
1. Posted by gene on February 19, 2008
I salute your courage and determination, and your success! Wishing you the very best of luck.
2. Posted by Mike M on February 19, 2008
Congratulations on whatever it is, and on being ready to deal with, and on being ready to wait for it. That's all good stuff.
3. Posted by Holly on February 20, 2008
Muchas gracias, everyone.
I was really worried about being stranded in Texas permanently.
4. Posted by Hiromi on February 20, 2008
It can be sad. But look for the adventure. Miss TX, make vows to visit, but look for the adventure. You're going places, H. Make the most of it.
And yeah, you'll still be 'homesick' even though sometimes you can't wait to shake the dust off your heels. 2 years and counting and...well, maybe it's different than it was, maybe it will be better since I haven't been there, maybe maybe maybe...
But then the IS is a lot better than Maybe. It just took me awhile to realize it.
5. Posted by darkneuro on February 20, 2008
Hiromi, change is good! You get out of your old habits, the same restaurants, etc. You may miss the old places and things, but you can find new and fun things to do in the new place. I'm not sure where you're going, but at least when you walk around town you won't be reminded as much of the past.
Looking forward to the adventures of the new Hiromi!
6. Posted by gregarious on February 21, 2008
hello Hiromi,
It is an interesting state of mind to be in is it not?
I'd say if you are moving, spring is probably the best time to do it though. Sounds like the next few months are going to be one heck of a buzz.
Are you able to make of a bit of a roadtrip between places/jobs? Make the most of the journey itself?
I've always wanted to make a trip round the US to all those various regional/local fairs such as the Chilli-cook-offs, garlic fair etc, (Hmm, actually I think my wasitline wouldn't thank me much...)
anyhoo, best wishes.
7. Posted by john on February 21, 2008
"Kick ass and take names!" I love it! I've actually got a list going myself. Under "l" in my rolodex.
I'm a firm believer in getting the hell out of dodge, when that's what you gotta do. I know you're gonna shine, too, wherever you go, and whatever you do.
I totally get the being overwhelmed by the new responsiblity thing, though. When I moved to go to grad school, after putting down the deposit on my appartment, I had a $100 dollars in my pocket. The only furniture I had was a second hand bed, and this kitchen table-cum desk thing I'd gerry-rigged out of a $10 tag-sale find. My parents took pity, and gave me $30 for gas. It actually took me 2 weeks to find the post office in that town!
I'm guessing that, not being 21, you've got a more resources to work with, I'm just saying' I emphasize. I totally wanted someone to step in and make everything better.
On the other hand, the times when I've stepped up to the plate and gotten the job down always turn out to be what I'm most proud of myself for. Even if they weren't enjoyable at the time.
Good luck, Hiromi. I'm sure you'll blow 'em all out of the water.
8. Posted by Timory on February 24, 2008
Darkneuro, I've been away from Texas before for long periods of time, and the only thing I get homesick for is Tex-Mex and barbecue!
Gregarious, I'm looking forward to it, too.
John, if things turn out as planned, I can take the summer (or part of the summer) off and start the new life at the end of the summer.
But we'll see; things aren't set yet.
Thanks, Timory. I'm with you 100% -- it's great to have people backing you up, but kicking ass solo...there's some serious pride in that.
9. Posted by Hiromi on February 24, 2008