Hiromi_X

I think that's a fear many people have, especially those with some self-awareness who are trying to do something difficult. I recently heard of a counseling program for graduate students helping them deal with the "I'm not good enough to be here" syndrome. So you're not alone in this feeling. I know I sometimes get paralyzed with that very fear. I get so worried or scared about it that I can't even get going on a project. I've been struggling with a big one for a while now, in part due to the fear of failure. I usually end up telling myself that it's better to believe that I can do it and try, even if I fail, than to let my fear rule me. Even works on occasion.

GB said it very well. I find that it's always helpful to try to put big things like this in light of the larger things in life. Hard to do sometimes, when faced with it head on.
Also keep in mind that most people hate innovation. They like the status quo. It's safe and without risk. They can hide there.

Everybody who is even slightly introspective feels like this. Really. Things make a lot more sense when you see the world through that filter - "Hm. Maybe the reason he was against that was because he was afraid someone was going to come up to him after the meeting and ask why he hadn't come up with it?"

I don't know that it makes it any better, just more understandable. I have no room to talk, though - my annual review is on Tuesday, and I've already put in a solid two weeks of worrying about what my boss is going to say.

I give you one of my favorite quotes of all time:

...The work needs concentration, and one is often exhausted by it. No one would do this merely for exhibitionism; there is too much bitterness. Picasso said, 'You see, the situation is very simple. Anybody that creates a new thing has to make it ugly. The effort of creation is so great, that trying to get away from the other things, the contemporary insistence, is so great that the effort to break it gives the appearance of ugliness. Your followers can make it pretty, so generally followers are accepted before the master. The master has the stain of ugliness. The followers who make it pretty are accepted. The people then go back to the original. They see the beauty and bring it back to the original.'

...I do not consider that any creative artist is anything but contemporary. Only he is sensitive to what is contemporary long before the average human is. He puts down what is contemporary, and it is exactly that. Sooner or later, people realize it."

--Gertrude Stein

(Criticism--of you, of your work--is only one person's view. What do YOU think? Because a year from now, someone will turn around and claim the exact same thing is genius. So what you think it is, and what YOU think you are, and if you like both, is all that's relevant. Doesn't mean their views aren't relevant to them. Just that you're all that needs to matter to you.)

I think it's incredibly brave that you can even NAME your worst fear, Hiromi.

I think they call this the imposter syndrome...
http://chronicle.com/free/v54/i11/11a00101.htm

It is very common. I know that Claire and I both have this lingering fear that one day someone will show up at the door and say, "I'm sorry, you're just not capable of functioning. We have to take you to the home." The worst part of it is that, invariably, when I do accomplish something, my first thought is Ha, ha! I tricked 'em again!

Good god, it's me.

I have that feeling every day at work. I even get it in nice restaurants.

I don't know your line of work, but here's my thoughts from the software industry. I've been in the work force for 27 years now, and I've found that there are two types of people. The first is the person that *wants* some new and innovative thinking; they may not accept your proposal, but they want to hear something new and work off of that for the final solution. The second is the person that knows what they want when they assign the project to you, and are "disappointed" when you don't confirm their "genius".

Don't sweat it.

I think you have very high expectations.

That's good, but bad.

Hope the clarification was better than you expected.

xx, c