Hiromi_X
Half-drugs? Half-therapies?
I still have a shy problem. Fer instance, I like it when other bikers wave at me, but I never initiate The Wave. What if they don't wave back???
Fear of rejection is only part of my problem, though. I have this borderline speech impediment. I stutter off and on. It's a constant mild stutter. And sometimes I just can't get words...OUT. They get stuck. I can feel them behind my uvula, but my tongue can't work them out of there. Yesterday, I couldn't say "circulation." I just stood there blankly -- I hope my mouth wasn't working -- and had to think of other words quickly that I could pronounce. The only way I can deal with this is to sloooooow down (my thoughts tend to race), but while that helps the stuttering somewhat, it doesn't help the word-stick.
It's one of those things that's not *quite* bad enough to warrant medical attention, but you almost wish it were so it can be fixed by a professional. Like, I can't concentrate worth a damn, but I don't quite have ADD. You know?
Comments
Wave. It will become automatic. And they always wave back, unless they just don't see you... Unless of course they're the old guy living out his dream on his scooter. They don't know what's going on.
1. Posted by Darkneuro on September 15, 2007
Personally, I think that stuttering is kinda cute and endearing. It makes people seem more human. I've got a similar socially awkward problem that crops up occasionally - every now and then when I'm talking to someone, I'll blush intensely, making for extreme awkwardness. It used to be pretty bad when I was younger, but I've more or less got it under control now... most of the time anyway :)
2. Posted by Onym on September 16, 2007
Can I ask, Hiromi, if you've recently lost your ability to concentrate ? 'Cause that could totally be the result of all the shit you've been through in the last year or so. I actually took the ADD test like 2 weeks ago : it has a section on concentration, and a section on, like being a scatter brain. You hafta answer "yes" to a certain number of questions in both catagories, I guess.
Even though I'm proud of having survived and fought the unspeakable pain I felt during my depression, I'm always the first to say, "Hangnail ? Oh my god, we might have to amputate!" I say, if you've the insurance, and you're willing to take the time out of your day, go see the doctor already.
PS - Strange that I got no problem with like "elective therapy" and every problem with say, "cosmetic surgery," huh ?
3. Posted by Timory on September 16, 2007
DN, hokay. Maybe. Or at least I'll look at them and nod.
Onym, I suppose it's cute in a way, but it gets awkward in professional situations.
Timory, I think it may have gotten worse in the past several years. I don't remember finding it this hard to concentrate when I was taking courses at university -- it seemed like I could absorb the info effortlessly.
I did talk to my p-doc about ADD, and he prescribed Provigil for it, just to see what happens. But it made me nervous, which was *really* unpleasant, so I'm off the drugs.
4. Posted by Hiromi on September 16, 2007
I think most people have that from time to time; I suspect it's far more consciously noticeable and embarassing to the person doing it than to the listener, unless it's a really prounounced, repeated, extended stutter that totally shuts down the conversation.
I've never noticed it in you, for inst. Though I've noticed it in me, when it happens.
5. Posted by Miss Syl on September 16, 2007
Sure, just about everyone stutters or whatever from time to time. I've met some people who are eloquent and poised and seemingly in control all the time, but they're extremely rare. But here's a parallel -- just as everyone feels down at some times, some people are more than down; they're depressed.
I'm glad it's not evident, but the reason why it's not is that I've learned to control it by forcing myself to talk more slowly. Also, my pauses are different. People pause to gather their thoughts or think of a way to say something in terms of how best to say them. I do that too, but I also pause because I know that I simply can't say the words I want to say. I know they'll be stuttered, so I have to pause to think of an alternative.
This exacerbates my shyness because it's another thing to worry about. Sometimes, because I know I'll stutter something, I say something different from what I intended to say because I can't think of alternatives fast enough. This makes conversation harder and more uncomfortable than I'd like.
And by "stutter," I don't j-j-j-just mean th-this, but in addition to that, the word's cadence and inflections are weird, too. That makes me self-conscious.
6. Posted by Hiromi on September 16, 2007
Also, somethign that I think would make it difficult for me to get speech therapy or whatever -- there's no pattern to what words I get stuck on, or when. I get stuck on trivial words, or words central to the meaning of a conversation. I get stuck with people I'm otherwise comfortable with, as with people who I'm trying to make an impression on.
7. Posted by Hiromi on September 16, 2007
If you can save the vacation time and money, the Hollins Speech Institute is supposed to be a highly effective place to treat stuttering. I think you can probably see my email, feel free to email for some more info.
8. Posted by GB on September 17, 2007
Hmm. GB, I certainly don't have money to spare right now, but thanks for the info. I thought that there probably was a place for therapy of that sort.
9. Posted by Hiromi on September 17, 2007
Hey, Hiromi...
... don't talk yourself into a "condition". I don't know you apart from what you're telling about yourself - but you're not making the impression that you've been endowed with a personality which lets herself become oppressed by some "constant [, but] mild" thing.
Get over it without medication. You'll get over it without therapy, too. You're strong.
(Okay, treat me as the weird voice coming from the back of your cupboard, if you like...)
10. Posted by PJS on September 17, 2007
When I first started riding, I actually had to ask someone what the waving was about. Turns out, it's just a friendly acknowledgment: You Exist, I See You There. Since I have social anxiety issues, I wasn't sure about it, at first. Eventually I came to think of it this way: Bikers are telling other bikers that, even if the car drivers aren't paying attention, the bikers sure as shit are. It's very comforting. I found that, the more I waved, the more I felt comfortable around other bikers--in parking areas, at gas stations, sharing a lane in traffic.
And,like your first response from Darkneuro says, if someone doesn't wave, it means either they didn't see you, they don't get it, or they actually are NOT paying attention to what's going on around them. You kind of want to know that, don't you?
11. Posted by Holly on September 18, 2007
Have you ever tried Strattera? It's non-narcotic - unlike most of the ADD meds out there - and it usually helps me focus a little more clearly on days when I'm feeling more disjointed than usual. It also doesn't leave me feeling stoned. If the inability to concentrate and focus is fairly recent in origin, it's probably related to the depression/addiction issues. One isn't necessarily ADD, therefore, just a little focus-challenged as a tangential product of other issues.
12. Posted by Brian on September 19, 2007