Hiromi_X

Frankly stated, alcoholics have few life skills. Of course, this can be true of the general population, but the effect of having few or no life skills is more dire in our case. When we are bewildered by life, we either say "fuck it" and drink, or we soothe our stress with alcohol, actions that will eventually result in death.

One AA catchphrase that I used to loathe hearing is "our problems are of our own making." That, I thought, was too fucking harsh. But that phrase is not about blame or pointing fingers; it's meant to jumpstart a kind of self-reflection that leads to a solution. It's about empowerment.

An example from today:

I had a shitload of errands to run before work, and I barely got to work in time. As I pulled into a parking spot, I bumped the passenger side rear tire well against a pillar. Scratched paint. Fuck. Lowered resale value. Fuck fuck fuck. One of my hugest concerns is not being able to sell my car for enough money. And now this.

My first instinct was to rage at the useless asshole moron who parked right on the white line next to my parking spot, which forced me to drive close to the pillar so I wouldn't hit his ridiculously oversized SUV that he insisted on parking in a spot reserved for small cars, a habit not uncommon among the multitude of selfish assholes who drive SUVs. Next, I wanted to rage at the fucking idiots who designed the stupidly tight and poorly laid out parking lot. Then, I wanted to blow off work, since having to go to work was delaying me from dealing with this sudden crisis.

Then I stopped and pondered that catchphrase: "our problems are of our own making."

But before you can even answer that question, you have to understand what the REAL problem is.

Perceived Problem 1) Asshole SUV driver. Did he force me to park where I parked? No. I chose to park there. In any case, can I control his actions? No. Is it productive to stoke the fire of my anti-SUV driver rage? No. Does it even feel good? No.

Perceived Problem 2) Was the parking spot too small for my car? Of course not. I was in a hurry.

Real Problem -- Why was I in a hurry? I was late to work because I had shitloads of errands. Why was that a problem? I was lying around in bed for half an hour, wishing the day wouldn't begin.

Problem: pattern of responsibility avoidance; in this case, sleeping late. Solution: Get the fuck up when you have to.

Utterly mundane? Perhaps, but this kind of self-reflection that results in figuring out what the real problem is and formulating a solution is the kind of skill I didn't use to have. Having a solution reduces stress and feelings of helplessness, which prevents "fuck it" thinking which prevents drinking.

So, that's one way AA teaches us how to live.