Hiromi_X
Nine months!
okay OKAY, Miz Syl! ;p
So, today's a big day.
I really like the symbolism of the nine month mark. Nine months ago, I was in the ER, where the lies in me died, and while I realize that dates are arbitrary, I like the idea that I can make April 4 a second birthday. I feel that I've changed enough to make the birth/rebirth analogy valid.
It's funny, though. I was flying pretty high for about a month, feeling euphoric at not only being alive, but wanting to be alive. But when the tumblers clicked over into "9 months", I felt sort of...let down. Doubtful about the nature of my celebration. It seemed absurd to celebrate being able to do something that "normal" people are able to do effortlessly.
I know that it's a pointless exercise in self-flagellation to think of my sobriety only in terms of my "defectiveness" as an alcoholic. I'm a bundle of characteristics, not reducible to just one; I'm good and bad, normal, subnormal, and supernormal, fantastic and mundane. Hell, I gotta have a few flaws, right? I can't be *too* fabulous, after all. And while flaws do indeed make us interesting, I think there's more, something I've written about already. Having survived something, and grown as a result, adds depth. Mellow notes of oak. A sepia tinge. A smell of parchment.
Something like that.
Comments
Congratulations, Hiromi. You are amazing.
1. Posted by aag on April 4, 2007
Thank you, AAG. I used to be afraid to think that I might be amazing, but yeah...I guess I am, at that.
2. Posted by Hiromi on April 4, 2007
Congrats Hiromi,
It's hard for me to imagine that going from zero to 9 months feeling like a let down. Then again- walking is no big deal, unless you're a baby. And some babies do start walking in about 9 months. To the parents, it's a big deal- from the baby's perspective it's just the problem that s/he's working at.
3. Posted by Carl on April 5, 2007
Joyeux (re)Birthday !!!
4. Posted by Emmanuel on April 5, 2007
Maybe Carl is onto something, except maybe the placement of the nine months.
You've just been born after a nine month gestation. Maybe this is the birth for a whole new life. One where you walk in 9 more months as Carl says and afre given a renewed childhood to see the world with fresh, child-like eyes.
Just like a kid, there will be days filled with homework, some skinned knees on the playground, and maybe a D in self-improvement class.
Either way, you'll be able to alternate between childlike wonder and normal everyday boredom. Both are gifts in a way. Put the new childhood to good use and accept the recreation of your life.
It looks like a good'un so far.
5. Posted by Omnipotent Poobah on April 5, 2007
(grins)
Okay, I know I can be a brat, but I'm glad you did it. Congratulations, baby. You rock the house.
6. Posted by Miss Syl on April 5, 2007
Congratulations!
¡Felicitaciones!
Félicitations!
etc.
It makes me happy that you've achieved so much - sobriety and the concomitant personal growth. You've worked hard to get to where you are right now; as your blog reader, I really admire that.
7. Posted by Sean on April 5, 2007
It's hard for me to respond to this:
It seemed absurd to celebrate being able to do something that "normal" people are able to do effortlessly.
without blowing some of your anonymity, but I'll try. Because even though you've had trouble with some day-to-day life shits in the past nine months, you've also done great things that most people do not ever get to do and are not qualified to even attempt. What you do for a living, while not lucrative, is impressive and difficult and something that most people cannot do. And I know, and you know that I know, that you excel at it and that your colleagues recognize that you excel at it.
Plus you fight all these other demons that the normies have no clue about.
Congrats on the chip, sweetie.
8. Posted by Ray on April 5, 2007
It seemed absurd to celebrate being able to do something that "normal" people are able to do effortlessly.
It's not absurd. I have been known to celebrate getting out of bed some days. This is not absurd. I've celebrated holidays such as 'The Illustrious Spotting of the First Squirrel Day' and 'Treat Your Nephew to a Movie Day'. That's not absurd. You celebrating completely changing your life would never, in a million YEARS, be considered absurd.
I say BRAVO.
9. Posted by darkneuro on April 5, 2007
You may feel normal at times, but your journey usually looks pretty extraordinary from out here. I think so many of us keep coming back to read your blog because we can tell there's a really great person behind the persona, flaws and all. I can only echo the above amazement and gratitude on this anniversary. Hip hip hooray for Hiromi!
10. Posted by Tim on April 5, 2007
congratulations on the first nine months and here is to the next nine months to come.
Bruce
11. Posted by Bruce on April 6, 2007
Thanks, everyone. Your comments mean a lot to me.
12. Posted by Hiromi on April 6, 2007