Hiromi_X
Sorry, guys, the retrospective continues
Indulge me while I continue my retrospective prior to picking up my gestation chip.
I really want people to know that life is...I was going to say "fixable," but that isn't right. It's changeable. It's improveable.
Nights were hard for months following my overdose. They're hard to describe now; I didn't know where the pain was coming from, but it was like birds of prey were swooping down on me and tearing my flesh. The world was so...shadowy.
I'm not saying life is easy now. It's hard, it's painful, it often sucks. But I learned that
I can be happy without worrying I'll never be happy again.
I can be sad and it won't kill me.
I can hurt, but the hurt will end.
If I hurt in the future, I can survive it.
For the past month or so, I've been sort of concerned that maybe this state of mind is just a "pink cloud" sort of thing. In AA, newbies typically are in a state of euphoria after having survived bottoming out and being converted to sobriety. Or maybe I'm manic, and like all "mentally ill" people, don't realize it. But as the days go by, I'm certain that this is a fundamental change for the better, so I'm not going to worry whether this feeling lasts, I'm just going to enjoy it.
Comments
Enjoy it...that sounds like the best idea I've heard in a long time.
1. Posted by Omnipotent Poobah on March 31, 2007
For the past month or so, I've been sort of concerned that maybe this state of mind is just a "pink cloud" sort of thing.
I don't particularly think so, actually. You're not in that 'pink cloud' because you recognize that it's NOT easy, it'll be hard, it's been hard, and it won't get any easier in the future. That right there keeps it from being bread and circuses.
You're healing, Hiromi. Enjoy it.
2. Posted by Darkneuro on April 1, 2007
Doesn't sound like mania to me. (Your post wasn't 10 pages long, never reaching the point) But you probably have been through the pattern enough times to recognize it if you try to look objectively. Not sleeping, long interesting conversations with strangers, - maybe that is not your pattern, just one I noticed in Bipolar types.
Also if you have been feeling this way for a month, it sounds more like a long term improvement for you. I suggest you take note of your meds, diet, and habits so you can keep heading the same direction.
3. Posted by Captured Shadow on April 1, 2007