Hiromi_X
The People's Republic of Hiromistan
While there's no doubt that I will one day rule the world, it won't happen instantaneously. First, I must take stock of the land I currently rule:
Hiromistan /hi 'rɔ mə stæn/A small, impoverished, landlocked nation located in central Texas. In 1998, it was forcibly annexed to a neighboring country under repressive totalitarian rule. In February 2006, a slave revolt led by Hiromi X led to its liberation and the establishment of a small independent republic. "Hiromistan" means "land both generous and beautiful." Its national symbol is a mixer, which appears on its flag; no anthem exists as of yet.
The nation's political situation remains uncertain. After the civil war, a transitional constitution was drafted by the revolutionary leader Hiromi X with input from a panel of mental health workers. She promises a transition to a democratic republic once stability is achieved. In the meantime, Hiromistan remains an authoritarian state in which political opposition is discouraged, and religious practice remains tightly regulated or banned. However, the administration vigorously advocates a liberal humanist education, and rebuilt libraries and schools almost immediately after hostilities ceased.
Despite considerable natural resources, the economy of Hiromistan has declined significantly since independence. The short, high-intensity civil war prior to independence destroyed much of its infrastructure. Further, Hiromi X alleges that the former dictator funneled most of the nation's treasury into personal Swiss accounts prior to fleeing into exile. Although missions from the World Bank and the IMF have met with Ms. X to develop a coherent economic plan, sources within the government state that Ms. X refuses to adhere to a program of austerities and structural adjustment. The same sources indicate that without funds provided by the non-governmental organization BOMAD*, Hiromistan's unstable economy will ultimately collapse.
*Bank of Mom and Dad
Once I get my shit together...from Hiromistan, the Revolution will begin.
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Comments
I laughed my ass off at the bit about "with the imput of a panel of mental health workers."
Why a mixer ?
1. Posted by Timory on February 13, 2007
Dear Hiromistan,
Please don't use all the BOMAD funds. AAGistan will be needing some major loans from there too, soon.
Sincerely,
AAG
2. Posted by aag on February 13, 2007
Timory, it's the most gunlike thing I have in the house.
AAG, I am working on finding the deposed tyrant's offshore accounts. If AAGistan needs liberation funds, I'd be more than happy to aid a fellow revolutionary.
3. Posted by Hiromi on February 13, 2007
Great Revolutionary Leader Hiromi X,
in my faculty as a humble university employee, I endeavour to ask whether your Revolution has also considered establishing ties with UNESCO or other educational institutions?
I would strongly recommend doing so, and on an independent side note, please take care that liberal humanist education includes a thorough formation of logical thinking. This way, Hiromistan on its glorious path to revolutionary independence will certainly prevail over neighbours promoting "theory-not-fact" stickers, and those growing less-than-gifted participants in academic discourse. Maybe Your Leaderness herself can teach them something.
Truly,
an assistant poring and sweating over students' so-called "final theses"
4. Posted by PJS on February 14, 2007
All hail the glorious Hiromi X! Long may she rule!
Hiromistan may still be in "transition to a democratic republic", but the current despot is really quire benevolent...cute too.
5. Posted by Omnipotent Poobah on February 14, 2007
My local BOMAD branch assures me that it has sufficient funds for the duration. I just worry about the strings attached to said funds.
Offshore accounts, hm? Interesting. My soon-to-be-deposed tyrant has no such thing, I'm certain. If he had any funds, he'd funnel them right into electronics and not offshore accounts.
:)
6. Posted by aag on February 14, 2007
That's fuckin' brilliant.
7. Posted by Elvis on February 14, 2007
Hah! Brilliant!
8. Posted by Mike M on February 14, 2007
Hiromi, this is a TERRIFIC post.
Yeah, you're right... Hiromistan needs an anthem... God Save the Queen as performed by The Sex Pistols? Hmm.... requires thought.
9. Posted by darkneuro on February 14, 2007
I've figured out my defence against your weapon of choice Hiromi - bowls, lots of bowls. Especially a giant bowl as a personal shield. Mixers are constantly attacking bowls, but have you ever seen one manage to break through?? A brilliant idea, if I do say so myself!
10. Posted by Onym on February 15, 2007
They all took the word right out of my mouth: brilliant!
11. Posted by clarissa on February 15, 2007
Thanks, guys. I have to admit I'm quite taken by my little country.
12. Posted by Hiromi on February 15, 2007
Please, oh benevolent and fearless leader, might I be granted permission to immigrate to your fine country? ;^)
13. Posted by tskathy58 on February 15, 2007
I like the sound of Hiromistan. I look forward to seeing it grow and evolve. Deposing tyrants is always a good move. ;-) Good luck finding the offshore accounts.
14. Posted by Nadia on February 15, 2007
I am so in on this revolution, Me Darlin'! Ye have a navy now!
15. Posted by Cap'n Dyke on February 22, 2007