No Mo' Kitties!
I will buy you a garden
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Yes I will
(Everclear)
***
I guess I have time to blog... I guess. I may even have time to sip my coffee slowly.
But hang on. Let me get Camus and Bat in...
I'll have to check back in a few minutes; Camus and Bat are ignoring me and/or hiding. (Dumb white dogs!)
For those of you password-privileged (heh), Trinity continues to be insane. How many times can she scream and shriek and call me a fucking bitch? Even the Magic 8 Ball's all, "Better not tell you now."
Trinity's... I can't decide on the correct word... Trin's drama was so disturbing last evening that Sierra started crying and Rayne left the trailer, choosing the company of goats.
I don't quite know what to do. I'm not letting her see that guy and every time she's with one of her female friends they end up in some potentially dangerous, unsupervised situation, way across town from where they're supposed to be, wandering the freaking streets. None of these parents seem to give a fuck. They became parents when they were in their early teens themselves and now are still stuck in some wacky, destructive, "partying" drama of their own while their kids hurry in their footsteps.
I now that sounds harsh. Judgmental. And I don't mean that against teenage moms... I DO mean it against mothers who seem as though they have no interest in protecting their kids.
Eh. Whatever. I'm not a perfect mother. I'm just scared to death to see the path Trinity is apparently on. The path she wants to be on.
Okay. Enough. Let me go look for the dogs again...
Nope. Where the frick did they go?
I suppose I finished the two big class projects I wanted to finish during Spring Break. I finished, but both projects are some of my less-inspired work. It turns out that the sexual harassment one was supposed to be a pamphlet. Like, to simply provide info. Like you'd see on the wall rack in a health clinic or something. So I couldn't, heh, personalize it. It looks okay. Maybe even good, all desk-top published and stuff. But it kind of bores me. The other project, geez!, was really boring. It was for my dumb Soci Juvenile Delinquency class. We were supposed to go to one of those restricted online journal sites, access it through our university library, select a piece of scientific, crime-related research and outline, analyze, and critique it. Or something. I semi-finished it yesterday while waiting for the kids at the orthodontist but I may not have done it right. It's hard to tell if it's right. The guidelines seem ambiguous to me.
Blah blah blah boring...
I don't want Spring Break to end. I'm scared to start the whole race again. I'm telling myself that it's just a couple more months. That my work/school load will never be this bad again. That Fall semester I can take three instead of my current four classes and that one of those three will be a fun elective. This summer I'll take four classes but I'll be home and can do it. Blah blah. And this December I'll graduate. But see... Eh.
See, I'm already worried about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I haven't even graduated and already I'm worried. And discounting a Bachelor of Science degree. Because according to some of the blogs I've read, there are people with Masters degrees working in the mall for minimum wage. Right? So what's some dumb Bachelors degree? In, kill-me, "General Studies." I did a search on Bachelor of General Studies and came up with, among other crap, this. Is that true? I can do nothing with this degree? Nothing? It's like, the GED of undergrad degrees?
I guess I'm feeling down. It doesn't help, I suppose, that my second-born spent the entire trip to the orthodontist telling me what a stupid loser I am. It's just, what am I going to do post-December, post graduation? The same as I am now? Live in this rotting trailer? With a degree, my substitute teaching rate goes from sixty per day to seventy-five (wooo! I'll be rich!); will nothing else change?
And what do I freaking WANT to do? I mean I know I want to go to grad school, teach online college stuff or something, some dumb crap-ambition. But what do I want to do come December with some possibly useless BS? Get my alternative teaching certification (how long would that take, the alt certification?), and teach in the, heh, Gangland HS? Or find something in social services? Serve, save, solve society? (Put my Xena/Buffy complex to good use?) And continue concurrently towards my MA?
I don't know. I just want out of here. Out of this trailer. Out of fucking Texas.
Got Bat back inside. Now where's the bigger, dorkier white flipping dog? I think I hear his bark somewhere... Camus is lucky we like him, lucky he's really cute and funny, because he's a huge pain in the butt.
And to segue into Circe Pet News... I got low-cost spay/neuter coupons for the three cats needing spaying and neutering, got these coupons way last month, but the waiting list for appointments was 9 weeks... Soooooo... Saint Catherine - remember her? - is in season AGAIN (still...), locked in my bathroom, yowling, pathetically stretching her paws out under the misaligned door to Alec who waits on the other side, meowing frantically back at her, stretching his dumb little paws under the door to her. It's a silly display of Kitty Love. Kitty Spring-time Lurve. The cats have vet appointments on April 14 and my fervent goal is to keep Catherine and Jane non-pregnant until that time... Sigh. Along with everything else, its driving me insane, and although I've been sitting here drinking coffee and I rilly-rilly need to pee, I'm daunted by the fact that it would entail entering my bathroom, dealing with Catherine, trying to pee as fast as possible so that Alec can't dodge into the bathroom and speed-mate with her, im-kittening her so as to cancel her spaying appointment because... wait for it... it would be wrong to kill her embryonic kitties.
That's about it. Nothing new. Nothing insightful. Just a bunch of blah blah school stuff, insane teenage daughter, annoying pets, angst, despair, and garden variety nihilism. I feel stuck-stuck-stuck and I'm afraid that nothing's going to change, that I'm always going to be stuck, that all my work, effort, struggle amounts to a whole lot of nothing, just a paw under the door, heh, accomplishing nothing.
One of the bloggers I read as-often-as-possible (I was going to say "daily," but I've been unable to read any blogs daily lately...), was doing the happily-in-love thing and it seems that I had no sooner re-accepted the semi-fact that love possibly actually exists (because if a hardcore blogger can fall in love, well, then love MUST exist...), then that relationship faded/ended/readjusted-to-friendship or something and I was all, idk, aghast? Sad? Shattered-by-disappointment? Resigned? Validated in my misanthropic bitterness/cynicism? I don't know. I was all, "Well hell. First I'm stunned that someone's in love. Doubtful. Then I come to consider that it's possible. Then I'm vicariously glad. Happy, hopeful. And then wtf?"
It's kind of like weight-loss. Several of my semi-daily blogs have featured weight-loss and my reactions were similar to those of the happy-in-love blogs.
Heh. I guess I'm so bitter and cynical that I can believe in neither love nor diets. (That's pretty sad. I guess.)
I better go. Try to get into my bathroom without adding more kitties to the world.
Where your flowers can bloom
I will buy you a new car
Perfect shiny and new
I will buy you that big house
Way up in the west hills
I will buy you a new life
Yes I will
(Everclear)
***
I guess I have time to blog... I guess. I may even have time to sip my coffee slowly.
But hang on. Let me get Camus and Bat in...
I'll have to check back in a few minutes; Camus and Bat are ignoring me and/or hiding. (Dumb white dogs!)
For those of you password-privileged (heh), Trinity continues to be insane. How many times can she scream and shriek and call me a fucking bitch? Even the Magic 8 Ball's all, "Better not tell you now."
Trinity's... I can't decide on the correct word... Trin's drama was so disturbing last evening that Sierra started crying and Rayne left the trailer, choosing the company of goats.
I don't quite know what to do. I'm not letting her see that guy and every time she's with one of her female friends they end up in some potentially dangerous, unsupervised situation, way across town from where they're supposed to be, wandering the freaking streets. None of these parents seem to give a fuck. They became parents when they were in their early teens themselves and now are still stuck in some wacky, destructive, "partying" drama of their own while their kids hurry in their footsteps.
I now that sounds harsh. Judgmental. And I don't mean that against teenage moms... I DO mean it against mothers who seem as though they have no interest in protecting their kids.
Eh. Whatever. I'm not a perfect mother. I'm just scared to death to see the path Trinity is apparently on. The path she wants to be on.
Okay. Enough. Let me go look for the dogs again...
Nope. Where the frick did they go?
I suppose I finished the two big class projects I wanted to finish during Spring Break. I finished, but both projects are some of my less-inspired work. It turns out that the sexual harassment one was supposed to be a pamphlet. Like, to simply provide info. Like you'd see on the wall rack in a health clinic or something. So I couldn't, heh, personalize it. It looks okay. Maybe even good, all desk-top published and stuff. But it kind of bores me. The other project, geez!, was really boring. It was for my dumb Soci Juvenile Delinquency class. We were supposed to go to one of those restricted online journal sites, access it through our university library, select a piece of scientific, crime-related research and outline, analyze, and critique it. Or something. I semi-finished it yesterday while waiting for the kids at the orthodontist but I may not have done it right. It's hard to tell if it's right. The guidelines seem ambiguous to me.
Blah blah blah boring...
I don't want Spring Break to end. I'm scared to start the whole race again. I'm telling myself that it's just a couple more months. That my work/school load will never be this bad again. That Fall semester I can take three instead of my current four classes and that one of those three will be a fun elective. This summer I'll take four classes but I'll be home and can do it. Blah blah. And this December I'll graduate. But see... Eh.
See, I'm already worried about what I'm going to do after I graduate. I haven't even graduated and already I'm worried. And discounting a Bachelor of Science degree. Because according to some of the blogs I've read, there are people with Masters degrees working in the mall for minimum wage. Right? So what's some dumb Bachelors degree? In, kill-me, "General Studies." I did a search on Bachelor of General Studies and came up with, among other crap, this. Is that true? I can do nothing with this degree? Nothing? It's like, the GED of undergrad degrees?
I guess I'm feeling down. It doesn't help, I suppose, that my second-born spent the entire trip to the orthodontist telling me what a stupid loser I am. It's just, what am I going to do post-December, post graduation? The same as I am now? Live in this rotting trailer? With a degree, my substitute teaching rate goes from sixty per day to seventy-five (wooo! I'll be rich!); will nothing else change?
And what do I freaking WANT to do? I mean I know I want to go to grad school, teach online college stuff or something, some dumb crap-ambition. But what do I want to do come December with some possibly useless BS? Get my alternative teaching certification (how long would that take, the alt certification?), and teach in the, heh, Gangland HS? Or find something in social services? Serve, save, solve society? (Put my Xena/Buffy complex to good use?) And continue concurrently towards my MA?
I don't know. I just want out of here. Out of this trailer. Out of fucking Texas.
Got Bat back inside. Now where's the bigger, dorkier white flipping dog? I think I hear his bark somewhere... Camus is lucky we like him, lucky he's really cute and funny, because he's a huge pain in the butt.
And to segue into Circe Pet News... I got low-cost spay/neuter coupons for the three cats needing spaying and neutering, got these coupons way last month, but the waiting list for appointments was 9 weeks... Soooooo... Saint Catherine - remember her? - is in season AGAIN (still...), locked in my bathroom, yowling, pathetically stretching her paws out under the misaligned door to Alec who waits on the other side, meowing frantically back at her, stretching his dumb little paws under the door to her. It's a silly display of Kitty Love. Kitty Spring-time Lurve. The cats have vet appointments on April 14 and my fervent goal is to keep Catherine and Jane non-pregnant until that time... Sigh. Along with everything else, its driving me insane, and although I've been sitting here drinking coffee and I rilly-rilly need to pee, I'm daunted by the fact that it would entail entering my bathroom, dealing with Catherine, trying to pee as fast as possible so that Alec can't dodge into the bathroom and speed-mate with her, im-kittening her so as to cancel her spaying appointment because... wait for it... it would be wrong to kill her embryonic kitties.
That's about it. Nothing new. Nothing insightful. Just a bunch of blah blah school stuff, insane teenage daughter, annoying pets, angst, despair, and garden variety nihilism. I feel stuck-stuck-stuck and I'm afraid that nothing's going to change, that I'm always going to be stuck, that all my work, effort, struggle amounts to a whole lot of nothing, just a paw under the door, heh, accomplishing nothing.
One of the bloggers I read as-often-as-possible (I was going to say "daily," but I've been unable to read any blogs daily lately...), was doing the happily-in-love thing and it seems that I had no sooner re-accepted the semi-fact that love possibly actually exists (because if a hardcore blogger can fall in love, well, then love MUST exist...), then that relationship faded/ended/readjusted-to-friendship or something and I was all, idk, aghast? Sad? Shattered-by-disappointment? Resigned? Validated in my misanthropic bitterness/cynicism? I don't know. I was all, "Well hell. First I'm stunned that someone's in love. Doubtful. Then I come to consider that it's possible. Then I'm vicariously glad. Happy, hopeful. And then wtf?"
It's kind of like weight-loss. Several of my semi-daily blogs have featured weight-loss and my reactions were similar to those of the happy-in-love blogs.
Heh. I guess I'm so bitter and cynical that I can believe in neither love nor diets. (That's pretty sad. I guess.)
I better go. Try to get into my bathroom without adding more kitties to the world.
