I was talking to an old, old friend and trying to ‘splain blogging.
I didn’t do that well, but I figured, I’l just show her. I was gonna direct her to my blog, but then I figured, no, wait, i need to start her off with a good blog so I went with Waiter Rant.
Holy christ, this is funny.
Okay, here we go– Pulling back the lid (not recommended) lets loose an odor that punches you in the nose like a stinky fist. If you’ve ever smelled a can of dog food, it’s just like that. Only imagine you are opening the can while your head is wedged in a horse’s ass.
While perusing the “Good Lord, NOOOO!” aisle of the supermarket, I came across the atrocity known as Dolores Brand Pickled Pork Rinds. These are not the crunchy pork rinds you’ll often see over by the chips. These are their grosser, soggier, potentially botulism-ier cousins.
The label says “Ready to Eat.” They left off “By Dumb-Asses.”
On home-made prison wine:
Through some miracle, it actually tasted nothing like it smelled. In fact, there was very little flavor other than sour, watery alcohol. It’s hard to believe this started out as a bag of fruit snacks and grape juice. Yet somehow these ingredients went from sweet and child-like to harsh and alcoholic quicker than Lindsay Lohan.
Oh my god, I’m gagging and laughing at the same time. I love this guy.