I swear I haven’t slept more than three hours any night the last week.
I’m getting on to that fog state where I’m sleepy and wired; I fall asleep when I’m watching TV but can’t sleep when I get in bed.
I need to do someone some violence, but it needs to be, you know, the good hurt kind of violence.
Soon, if this keeps going, I’ll get to the hallucination phase. That’s where it gets entertaining.
I dunno what the fuck it is. Ok, well, that’s not true, completely. Some of it’s the cocktail of stress my life has become the last few months; new speed bumps in my road, old speed bumps come back. The usual, only more. And there’s the low-grade mental and physical health shit that comes with that; not getting enough exercise, drinking too much, thinking about sex and escape all day and not having the time or energy or whatever for enough of either.
The wonder of it all is that I have not been sick, really sick, in almost a year. With kids in school, I’m used to having at least two major colds and a sinus infection every winter.
But it all adds up to no sleep. I managed to get myself on a school schedule last week, driving my kids to early day camps, and my clock’s set for early wake-up already; yet my sleep-time clock (damn, I keep typing that as ‘cock’ – see where my brain is at?) is still set for well past midnight no matter how I try to get it earlier.
I need to channel is all into something. I need to get back to the gym and start pumping iron, I need to get my bicycle tuned up so I can ride it (21 gears don’t help much when the front derailleur won’t shift). And I need to get my head off of things I want but can’t have. I need to get back to living in the here-and-now.
Or I need to go back to using narcotics.
Who needs a good spanking? I need to take out a little something on you. Now, not fair offering if you’re far away and can’t travel.
[made with ecto]