It’s what you gotta do sometimes when you’re a parent. You go to movies because this weekend, you need something to do with the kids, not because there’s something brilliant playing that you gotta see. When this happens, you gotta choose from what’s on.
Sometimes there’s the unexpected winner. I mean, who’d have though the Wild Thornberries movie would be a charming little flick? Sometimes you get Madagascar, funny, but not something to seek out unless you need a kid flick.
And sometimes you get Shark Boy and Lava Girl.
Let’s start with — my god what a headache I have. Hasn’t 3D gotten better? It took a can of PimpJuice (also known as PJ Tight, the #1 Hip Hop Energy Drink!) to get that under control.
I wanted to like this movie. I was willing to laugh with it when the jokes were terrible and the dialog sounded like written by Rodriguez seven-year-old son (Who’s credited with ‘story by’). I was even willing to find the low-grade CGI effects charming.
But god. It’s boring. Boring, boring, boring. The kind of boring where you wait for a bad joke to groan at because it relives the boredom.
Ok, fine. The kids liked it. They’re the target audience. But damn, you know, I want a director who’s as talented as Rodriguez to have a little, just a little more judgement and self-restraint.
So what’s good about it? Very little. There are some clever creatures, something Rodriguez has a gift for (plug dogs, or something like that, hell-hounds made of electrical wires with plugs for heads), funny casting (Kristin Davis of Sex and the City as Mom, and David Arquette as Dad, looking eerily like Rodriguez himself). But the the only thing that kept me entertained through it was the delightfully pink-haired Taylor Dooley as Lava Girl. She’s cute as a button, and I’m setting my watch for how old she has be for, well, you know. Hell, 2011? Ah. Ok. I’m hoping she keeps the pink hair, I tell ya.
Sigh. When does Howl’s Moving Castle open? There’s one I’ll line up for.